Success...One Day At A Time

Inspiring Lessons From Michael Jackson in "This Is It"

As I write about motivation, positive thinking, believing in yourself, and making the most of the opportunities that come you way, I can't help but just pick up on certain things that most people miss...especially where hugely successful people are concerned!

So...like many millions of people, I went to see the late Michael Jackson in the "This Is It" movie. The thing is, I reckoned I picked up on three very important things that practically everyone else would have missed.

More importantly, what I discovered will give YOU an insight into how you can use Michael Jackson (MJ) to help YOU get to where you want to go in life.

Whatever your views on MJ as a person etc, there is certainly no denying how talented he was in his chosen profession, and this is what I want you to focus on for the moment - his musical genius and stage presence.

So...these are the 3 lessons I learned...

1. Trust Your Instinct

At the beginning of one of the songs, there is a choreographed video playing - which was created in such a way that, 'as if by magic' the video morphs into MJ and his dancers on the stage at the beginning of the song, at the exact moment that the band start to play the intro.

As they reherse, Jerry Ortega - the producer, had told the drummer to come in at a specific point...which, when they rehearse, MJ stops him and tells him that HE will give a signal to the drummer when he should come in, after which the dancers start etc.

"But you can't see the screen Michael, so how will you know when to come in?" asks Ortega

"I'll know. I'll feel it." says MJ

Remember - this intro has to be started at the exact split second for it to work properly - yet MJ couldn't even see it! He just had such a belief that he would know exactly when to come in that he trusted his instinct to let him know when to give the signal to start!

LESSON : Trust your instinct more. Take it from MJ (and from me!) - it knows better than you conscious mind does!

2. It's Not About The Money, It's About The Moment

MJ was rehearsing "I Just Can't Stop Loving You" with his female backing singer. As the song progressed, his dancers, who were watching him from the arena, start cheering as he starts to really get into the duet.

He can't help myself and starts to ad lib, as you can tell he is totally immersed in the song, and in the dynamic with his singing partner. By the end of the song, his 'audience' literally give him a standing ovation.

MJ smirks shyly and just says "I told you I was supposed to rest my voice and take it easy today, I shouldn't have done that!"

Even though it was only a rehersal, MJ can't help himself from just getting into the flow of the music - and to playing up to his audience (which he also does for a later song).

He COULD have easily just gone through the motions, but instead made the most of feeling amazing in the moment.

LESSON : Your life is just a series of moments of NOW - so why not try to make the most of as many of them as possible?

3. What You're Good At Is The Key To Your Happiness

MJ was one of the small number of artists whose live voice was actually better than their recording voice. (Another one was the late Luther Vandross, who as I'm a bit of a soul boy, completely blew me a way live a number of times when I saw him live in the 80s).

Even from the rehersal footage - you could tell that he was a completely different performer when he had a reaction from ANY audience! As soon as he sensed that he was 'performing' for someone else - then it was almost as if he stepped up a gear, and his whole body literally changed.

It was so clear that he was put on this planet to create music and perform it to an audience. His awareness of the notes and the way his songs were played by the band was so precise and clear that it was obvious that he had a feeling for the sound of the music itself, not just the notes themselves.

One interesting thing is that he hadn't played live for the last ten years of his life. It wasn't a surprise then that this coincided with all of the weird stuff going on in his private life.

As a person in a conversation or a group - he always seemed to come across as strange and was either very naive or very calculating in respect of some of the situations he got himself into.

But, for me, I sat there wondering, what if he had just stuck to what he LIVED for - to create music and perform it to an audience. Would he still be around today if he had been on the road for at least some of those ten years?

As a public speaker, I can get just a small understanding of how it feels to receive such adulation - and take it from me, that 'morning after' feeling you have when you get back to 'normal life' after a weekend of everyone telling you how great you are isn't always a great one!

LESSON : You're here for a reason. You're good at something that other people aren't. Focus on being the best you can be at that as often as possible - and the rest will fall into place behind it.

---

Well...there you go. A different movie review than perhaps you expected?!

Of course, you may not agree with me or even like MJ - but there is certainly no denying that you CAN learn from ANYONE who is successful at ANYTHING - whether that is pop star, movie star, sports star, CEO, or even great parent or teacher.

You just have to open your eyes and ears and look for the signs - just like I did when I watched the 'King Of Pop' in "This Is It!". Feel free to share your comments below...

Yes You Can! But Only If Your Attitude Is Right...

I've been playing single dad all week to feisty 3-year-old Skye, and just a few months ago I would never have told you that I would have enjoyed it so much!

Sure, it has been 'interesting' at times, but I've noticed that, when I was married I would mentally look upon a lot of parenting stuff as an 'effort'. Now that I don't have much choice (and certainly appreciate my girls more), I find that I've changed.

Except, outwardly I haven't changed much - it's my ATTITUDE that has changed - and I can tell you that it has made a huge difference to how I look at how I spend my time generally.

You see, there are many things where you have to literally take a deep breath before you start them - usually because they don't come naturally to you.

Now, despite what I may have thought about myself in the past in regards to being a dad (or whatever I had been told about it in the past) - I now KNOW that I am more than capable of being as good a dad as anyone else. It wasn't that I was never around before, or didn't take an active role in the upbringing of my girls - it was just my attitude about my ability to do so was different. This was then outwardly reflected in how I appeared when I spent time with them. (You know what I mean!)

You see, it compares with public speaking. It's one of those things that are worse the more you think about it - yet, once you just get on with it - it's nowhere near as bad as you thought! Plus, once you do it once or twice - you realize that you are more than able to do it.

For me, it's taken me out of my comfort zone...but, like everything that I have done in the last six years, I have ONLY benefitted from it!

Not only that, once you realize this (and I will hold my hands up and say that I forgot it over the last few months because of my seperation) then your self-confidence will only increase, as well as your self-belief.

I'm a better person, as well as being a better dad...and I can certainly guarantee that if YOU just nudge yourself in a slightly different direction, you too will find out that you have talents and capabilities that you would never have believed!

Just try it and see for yourself...

My Life Lessons...

Yes, it's been a while. A fair few months in fact.

Well...let's say that whilst I've been away, I've learned so much about life that I KNOW that, just like 2001 when I quit my job forever to do this, 2008 WILL be a watershed year for me both in a personal and business sense.

And I want YOU to accompany me on the ride!

Although I can't promise nailed-on regular stuff for you (that is reserved for my friends who subscribe to my It's Obvious, Stupid! print newsletter) - I promise that I will be sharing some of the insights I am both learning AND applying in my OWN life...in a way that will absolutely help YOU.

So...let's just start off with the major lessons I've learned since the end of July last year when I separated from my wife, Lesley (her choice, remember!). Now, some of these things may sound negative - but they're not intended to - they are just the things I've learned, and which I will forever bear in mind over the years to come...

1. No matter how much you know someone, you can never know what they're thinking.

2. If you are motivated for someone else, make sure that, if they weren't around, you are STILL motivated!

3. Don't try to help other people when they either don't know they need it, or don't appreciate it - you'll only end up worse off.

4. People change (including you!) - sometimes almost overnight. The sooner you accept that change is the norm rather than the exception, the easier you will be able to manage change in your life in general.

4. Listen to your gut instinct - even if stuff doesn't work out in the way you hoped because of it. There is a bigger picture that is moving stuff around for your future, whether you realize it or not.

5. Focus on what you want and what you have, not what you don't want or have 'lost'.

6. Some things aren't personal or your 'fault'. You are still as capable as you have always been even if others make you feel otherwise.

7. Change is hard - but usually its because you NEED to change in order to take your life to the next level.

8. Your feelings are the key to working out what you want from your life. Don't block them out (like a typical man, I used to - not any more), or ignore what they are telling you.

Finally...the absolutely most important one of all...

Things like youir spouse, your children, your health, your standard of living, and your free time are just some of these very important things that, believe me, you don't realize how important they are. Guess why my daughters Katie and Skye are going to benefit from me being a much better dad to them - just because I appreciate them more than I ever have done.

Maybe one day if you meet me in person at a seminar somewhere and buy me a drink or two in the bar, I'll expand more on the experiences I had which reminded me why these lessons are so important.

Put it this way - adversity is an amazing teacher once you start looking for what you can gain from it!

So...what have YOU learned about life in the last six months? Feel free to comment below...

Doing Little To Create A Meaningful Life...

It's been a while since I wrote something brand new for you.

There's a very good reason for that.

I've been working on ME!

In the few weeks since I last wrote a 'proper' article for you, I've:

- spent five days at a seminar learning more about my business (and the people in it)
- spent two weeks playing 'house husband' because my wife, Lesley, hurt her back
- spent three days evaluating new real estate deals in my local area (BTW, apart from buying my own house, I have ZERO experience in doing this. I love a challenge!)
- spent some time with Lesley evaluating why I do what I do (i.e. work from home), and how my role now fits in our household compared when I needed to be around caring for our son
- wrote my "Our Wealth Partnership" print newsletter
- spent some time trying to connect a few people here in the UK to co-ordinate a Master Mind
- wrote a presentation that I will be delivering this Sunday at a real estate/internet marketing seminar (BTW - it's all new stuff that I've never talked about before)
- spent loads more time with my two daughters

So...you can see that I've been very busy - but not necessarily all in a work sense.

Which is important.

Sure...I could've worked harder and not spent time teaching myself real estate stuff. I could have done a little more, and not spent so much time with my family.

I could've stayed at home and saved a week, 24 hours worth of travel, and few grand in expenses by not travelling to Washington for a seminar.

But I didn't.

Did my income go down? Sure.

Did I get SO much more out of LIVING my life than if I'd just spent the last few weeks stuck in front of my PC? Definitely Yes!

In fact, because I've taken the time to NOT to work so hard - it will have a positive effect on how much I will achieve when I DO work!

My brother, Mark, always says that all I say is that I can't be bothered to do this or that. It's true. It's because I am ONLY 'bothered' with stuff that will help me make the most of my life, and get the most out of the work that I do.

Lesley thinks that I should make more of an effort in getting along with people in my family, whereas I take the view that, if they want to spend all of their energy moaning about how crap their life is, then I don't want to be within earshot! It doesn't serve me to be sucked into other peoples' negative life experience.

And...it won't serve YOU, either!

But, I'm not being selfish in a negative sense. I'm just taking care of who and what I allow into my life so that I will be in a better position to make the most of it!

And...by making the most of it, the people I care about the most will benefit from it.

So, even though I certainly am driven where my business is concerned, there is definitely a place (in all of our lives) for those people who REALLY make life worth living - whether it is your spouse, your kids, or great friends who are as passionate about life as you are.

Welcome to my world! It's one of my greatest achievements in life to say that I have the choice to do whatever I want with my life. My decisions and effort are totally my responsibility - as are my results.

My sincerest wish for YOU is that you reach a point in your life where YOU also know that you are in COMPLETE control of who you are and who you can become.

Life's too short to be someone you're not because of what other people tell you.

YOU deserve a great life. I think that it's time that you really make a go of it.

Life's too short for 'if onlys...'

Success. Life. And Knowing What's Important.

Just a short issue this week, as Lesley has been ill in bed for two days, and little Skye has been feeling a little under the weather.

Throw in seven hours of coaching calls in two days for my Adsense mentor group...and my life suddenly has turned complicated!

So...my early-morning starts have continued this week, getting up at 5:30am and having an hour of focused work before the 'new dad' side of my life kicks in once the kids gets up, allows me to feel as if I have accomplished something even if I spend most of the day doing chores!

I'll admit it...I'm terrible when Lesley is ill. (I blame my parents!).

I do my bit and do whats necessary, but, for some reason, I find it very much like hard work...even though I am more than capable of doing whatever's necessary.

Perhaps it puts me out of my comfort zone...which I can always tell when I have to take a sharp intake of breath before I 'dive' into the next household/children thing to do.

Typical man many people would say!

One of the benefits to my family of me working from home is that I am around when all hell breaks loose!

And...one of the challenges of working from home is being able to juggle moving my business forward whilst in the midst of that stuff called life.

I wouldn't change it for the world...though I certainly know why I try to organize my working life around my family life - and not the other way around.

This last couple of days has been a reminder to stay focused on this point!

As should YOU!

And I'll paraphrase something you've probably heard quoted before...

"When you're on your way out - you won't be saying to yourself 'I wish I worked more' for all those years"

In the grand scheme of life...it's often the people and circumstances we take for granted that are THE most important things in our life.

I'm going to try to handle the juggling of both my worlds better today (because Lesley deserves it).

And I think that you should give a few seconds thought to how you can focus even a few minutes a day towards WHO or WHAT is REALLY important in YOUR life.

Then go and prove it!

Energy, Focus...And Why Is It That Little Motivators Can Do This?

Life is continuing to get in the way of some of the plans I have at the moment.

Whilst some people might complain...I just look at this delay as an opportunity
to make sure that I'm definitely moving towards the path that is best for me.

Which is why I happened to be aimlessly surfing the 'Net this morning (!), and I came across this short (10-page) report, which, although it covers a very simple principle...I still think that it is worth the less than 10 minutes it would take you to read it.

It also helps that it's 100% free!

Find out for yourself about the strangely titled - The Human "D Cell" Report!

With a tag line of "How To Create *Instant* Results And Amplify Them In *ANY* Area Of Your Life Doing Something A Six Year Old Girl Can Do." - it's worth a read just to see if you disagree with Mike, the author!

I was intrigued enough to part with my hard-earned cash a few minutes after I read it as I liked what Mike had to say.

More about that next week when I will have had some more time to digest it all.

It seems that last week's message hit a nerve with many people about how I react to my 'off-days'.

It's worth revisiting - just to read some of the wonderful contributions to the debate from your fellow subscribers.

Read more at How To React To Your 'Off-Days'

After reading the 'D Cell' report and revisiting some of last week's comments, I realized something very important.

Here's my favorite picture, taken just last week, of little Skye, who's nearly 18 months old - just so you're not tempted to scroll down before you read the report! (She does have a role to play in my article anyway!)

Anyway...

Just last week, I was having one of those days where I could be bothered to do the thing I needed to do (as I really wanted to do the thing I WANTED to do!)

I was sitting in my chair, shoulders slumped...and let out a sigh.

I might as well not have been in my study for all the 'work' I was doing.

All of a sudden...this little voice came from under my left arm.

'Piiiin, piiiin!'

A stubby little finger was grabbing at my desk.

'Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!'

Yep...Skye had returned to what is now her second playroom after the lounge...and she wanted a PEN!

All of a sudden, my expression changed.

It's not hard to smile at an 18-month-old - especially when it's your own, and she's doing that forceful look that toddlers have when they want something.

So...my pen she had.

Not content with that...she disappeared behind the back of my chair and reappeared at my right-hand arm.

'Paaaah, paaaaaaaaaaaaaaah'!

She was pointing to my laser printer. Yep...couldn't have a pen without some paper!

So...out comes the tray at the bottom, and a sheet of paper is in her hands.

But...she's still standing there, pointing.

'Doooooooooooor, doooooooor'!

Oops...I forgot to slide the paper tray back in.

She's got a thing about doors not being closed when they should be. Most toddlers, if a stair gate was left open, would make a run for the stairs. Skye just stands there pointing and shouting 'dooooooooooor' to tells us that we left it open!

Off she toddles back to her mat in the living room, contentedly blowing raspberries as she goes.

So...what has this got to do with anything, I bet you're wondering?

Well...apart from giving you an insight into how 'challenging' working in the presence of a toddler can be...

...the entire episode suddenly gave me a 'second wind' where my energy levels were concerned.

Because I had spent a couple of minutes NOT focusing on why I couldn't be bothered, my body had literally 'sprung' back to a more awake and alert shape.

I easily finished what I had to in the next 30 minutes...and then got on with what I really wanted to do.

If it hadn't been for my little exposure to someone who literally shone with energy, drive, and passion for what she wanted - then I would have ended up just finding something to eat, instead of doing what I was supposed to do.

Now...you may well not have a toddler that you can leech energy from like me, but, all you need to break the 'poor me' cycle is just to take a break...completely away from what you have to do.

Get some fresh air. Make yourself a coffee. Send an email to a friend.

Just do something that will recharge you just a little bit (but don't overdo it as an excuse to be lazy!)...and you will find that, if you make the most of this little breather - that you will be in a better mental (and physical) position to tackle what needs to be done.

Try it and see for yourself.

If not...Skye is available to be babysat at anytime. There's a movie Lesley and I want to see next Wednesday....!

Are You One Of Us - Or One Of Them?

Spending three days in the constant presence of ill people certainly can affect you - if you let it!

All of the patients I have ever met in hospitals fall into two categories:

- Those who are ill who talk about getting better.

- Those who are ill who want to tell everyone how ill they are.

Unfortunately - most of the people you meet in hospital tend to love to tell you in the greatest detail why they are particularly worse off than most people.

In the bed next to Lesley there was a lady who, even though she wasn't particularly worse off than other patients, felt the need to tell Lesley in graphic detail why she genuinely believed that she the sickest and unluckiest person in the world.

She seemed to absolutely revel in it!

The sad thing is that these two types of people are mirrored in normal life :

- Those people who constantly talk about failure, and how badly life treats them.

Which one are YOU?

Those Amazing Escorters...

I was reading the newspaper today, and there was a section about women of the year.

Jo Frost, of SuperNanny fame, chose Dr Kathy Hull, the founder of the only children's hospice in the U.S. - The George Mark Children's House.

Kathy had the idea from visiting a children's hospice here in the UK.

Good luck to her - this kind of help is desperately needed by thousands of families, that's for sure.

As you know - children's hospices are close to my heart thanks to the amazing help we had from Demelza House.

I read this quote from Kathy out to Lesley - and she said that it was one of the nicest things she had heard...

"There are lots of people to tell you how to bring a child into the world, but very few who can help you escort one out."

I couldn't agree more...and, believe me, without these sorts of places being available to people who truly deserve all the help they can get - then there would be many more broken families with very ill children.

Your Future, My Future, And A Reminder From The Past...

It's been a week of mixed emotions...

On December 4th - it was little Skye's first birthday.

It was also the date of the memorial 'candlelight' service at the childrens' hospice Demelza House for the children who, like my son Connor, aren't with us anymore.

Ever tried celebrating a birthday knowing that later that day you were going to a service for your lost son?

Not easy, I can tell you.

Thrown in the odd heated argument because of the pressure - and you had a recipe for a very interesting Sunday last weekend!

Yesterday (December 8th) was my 36th birthday - which also happened to coincide with Katie's Charity Christmas Carol service - the beneficiary of which was.......Demelza House Children's Hospice!

As I don't believe in coincidence - it's nice to know that little Connor is still reminding us that he can change the outcome of our days - even when he's not here!

The lesson I learned from all of this?

It's easy to forget how 'simple' your current life really is compared to where you have been in the past.

And...it's easy to forget that, although you should never forget, you should always remember that NOW is what matters - both to you and the people close to you.

Letting things get to you is a serious waste of your time. Period.

If you really think about it - most of what you are getting stressed about is based either on something that has already happened (which you now have no control over) - or something that you believe MAY happen in the future (which you also don't have any control over now, either!)

It's like trying to run up a huge sand dune - the faster you try - the deeper you get - and the quicker you slide back down.

Is YOUR life even a little like that?

It's so easy to make life complicated when in fact - it CAN be 'easy' and simple.

And...the more I write about what has made me successful over the last few years - the more I believe that it shouldn't really be that 'difficult' for YOU, either!

You're bombarded literally every day with the latest 'solution' to a problem that you may not even realized that you had!

And...even though I hate to admit it, some of my fellow marketers online are doing YOU a disservice by knowingly selling you stuff that won't work for you - whether you apply it to the letter or not.

I'm a man on a mission in 2006.

I'm going to try to find ways to help YOU achieve more than you ever have done - without costing YOU a fortune in monetary terms - or ME a fortune in TIME cost.

Not easy to do from where I'm sitting at the moment, that's for sure, but don't forget that the first elementary step in this puzzle is here.

In order to make this idea work - I am going to need something from YOU in return.

You're going to have to share more about yourself, your life, your dreams, your failures, and your successes - so that I will be in a position to tailor whatever I come up with in the best way to help you.

So...watch out for a few (confidential) surveys over the coming months.

ONLY if you take part will you be eligible to part of this 'partnership'. I haven't got time for something-for-nothing people, nor people who can't be bothered to take even a small amount of action, or get a little out of their comfort zone.

At the moment - I only have ideas in my head - waiting to get out, but I'm sick of seeing YOU and people like you being promised the earth at a price, when just a leg up will do!

This isn't some pre-sell for a product that is waiting in the wings - at the moment, I'm not sure about what I'm going to do - but I KNOW that it WILL involve YOUR partnership in doing something to make 2006 better than 2005.

Watch this space!

Negative Bird Flu Programming

A lesson from the negative affect of the media this week.

The head govt. medical honcho here in the UK announced this week that IF the bird-flu virus mutates into a human form, and IF it isn't controlled - here in the UK our population could be lighter to the tune of 750,000 people within the next few years.

IF it happens, of course!

Considering that NONE of this has happened in the Far East where the virus has been around for a number of years makes me wonder WHY the government is intent on scaring people like that.

Perhaps someone questioned them about why they were stockpiling 'Tamiflu' to the tune of 14 mill. doses within the next 3 years.

It seems to me that the only 'winner' in this mass dose of negative-expectation is the Swiss company Roche who make Tamiflu.

Guess which company has just announced significant profits on the back of this bird-flu outbreak?

And is expected to earn a few hundred mill. extra a year for the next few years as govts. worldwide stockpile their 'could-be-a-cure-of-sorts' drug over the next few years 'just in case'.

All this is a lesson on the negative effects our governments and media can have on YOUR life if you let it.

Me - I'm just going to do what I have always done. Worry about it IF it happens!

I'm Watching You...

Here's an up-to-date picture of me and 'my girls' taken at my brother's wedding last month...

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently.

And...for the first time - I just deleted the eight paragraphs that I wrote over the last fifteen minutes.

Life was calling me - telling my analytical brain to shut up as it had a story to tell. In fact - a group of little stories, played out day-in, day-out by people who didn't realize that they were being watched...

Yesterday I spent a few hours waiting outside shops wheeling 9-month-old Skye around as Lesley did her usual I-can't-decide-which-one routine.

I watched grandmothers, mothers, and children weave in and out of each other as they window-shopped.

I watched bored workers on their lunch break sit and share their food with colleagues as they complained bitterly about their boss.

I watched as the girl behind the checkout aimlessly picked her fingers as a mother with a mad toddler struggled to keep her cool and her balance as she tripped on the low-hangind clothes that she was just about to get.

I watched as a nervous salesman tried to accost passers-by by thrusting an application form aimed at getting them more in debt.

I watched as Lesley laughed out loud at a funny t-shirt in a new boutique and made the girl standing next to her jump.

I watched as Skye began to 'dance' in her high-chair at the exact moment that a young couple with a tiny baby in tow looked over at us feeding her.

I watched as fellow drivers were getting more and more stressed as we sat in traffic for an hour because of an accident, whilst Lesley and I were singing along to a song at the top of our voices, car windows down.

I watched as Katie came out of school wearing her P.E. t-shirt because one of the boys in her class had been tripped - and tipped the contents of eight paint pots over her usual school shirt.

I winced as her nine-year-old elbow made contact with my ribs as I laughed as she told me!

I watched as the now-crawling Skye made a beeline for everything on the floor except her toys, and then proceeded to chew whatever it was almost in defiance of her mother.

I watched as Lesley turned on her back in bed at 10:30pm last night...and preceded to snore so loudly that I had to put my book down and turn off the light.

I watched through foggy eyes as Katie stood at the bedroom door this morning, an hour earlier than she should have, and did that little 'jig' of anger that stroppy children do when told that they should go back to bed.

I watched as she animatedly collared her best friend on the way into school - to excitedly share with her that their classmate had returned from vacation today - and will find out that she is sitting next to another girl whom she hates!

I watched as a boy was being dragged kicking and screaming into school, crying his eyes out saying that he didn't want to go, his mother getting more flustered, embarrassed, and angrier by the minute.

I watched as miserable-faced people aimlessly went about their business as I spent the 20-minute walk back home continuing my business education thanks to my Ipod.

Me...

I watched as I sat down in front of this computer - stumped for what to write to you today - yet knowing that it was only a matter of time before I would be able to make a connection with you.

Perhaps I didn't do it in the way that I usually do - but it certainly made me realize two important things that may help you, too...

1. Life is about breathing everything that it has to offer in, and about making what you do an experience rather than a chore.

2. Unless you start, you won't have a chance of finishing. And...it's only people who start who make the most of their life - whether they finish or not.

Thirty minutes ago - I was thinking that perhaps I should eat as I wasn't in the mood to write anything.

Instead - I just started...and whether you liked it or - I got what I need to achieve done.

Now I think I'll reward myself with some more watching as life shares it's experiences with me.

And it didn't cost me a single thing to make the most of it.

London - And Not Letting The Terrorists Control YOUR Thoughts...

Yes - what happened in London yesterday IS horiffic.

Yes - it does beggar belief that there are people who feel the need to do such things to innocent people.

Yes - we shouldn't let the terrorists win by changing how we live because of the fear of something similar happening again.

As someone who was born and spent the first 34 years of my life in London I can certainly understand the shock that many people are going through.

I remember having to walk through the 'Ring of Steel' put up around the City of London because of the IRA bombings that went on a few years ago.

At the time Lesley was more scared for my safety than I was.

I used to tell her that if something was going to happen at the same place and time that I was - then I could never 'second guess' where that would be and would instead make myself ill from worrying about it.

I have personally used the tube stations...and walked those very same streets involved yesterday many times in the 15 years I worked in the heart of London.

It's certainly a sad day for humanity once again, that's for sure.

BUT...

Unfortunately - due to the 24-hour blanket news coverage - those of us who aren't directly involved almost become brainwashed into becoming 'voyeurs'...

- How many were killed?
- What stations were involved?
- How many emergency personnel are involved?
- What was the number of the blown-up bus?
- What is the current 'state of alert'?

(I'm guilty as charged having spent most of my day yesterday in front of the TV)

Of course...

This stuff is important for many people - especially those in the media who like to 'keep score' by comparing Madrid to London - or certain details to September 11.

But let me ask YOU this...

What good does this do for YOU?

- Does it put you in a positive mindset about your day?
- Does it make you feel any better knowing exactly where each bomb was placed?
- Does it make you feel better than before the more gory details emerged?

Of course it doesn't!

Now...

Of course this atrocity won't make you feel particularly good.

BUT...

If YOU constantly feed yourself on wall-to-wall news coverage then you are only going to achieve ONE thing...

You are going to be walking around for the next few weeks (or even months) feeling down, miserable, depressed...and perhaps even frightened.

Is that how you REALLY want to FEEL?

After the first news bulletin today - I have decided that I now know enough about what happened - but don't need a constant reminder to 'drag' me down.

Constantly watching this stuff certainly won't serve you well in terms of your general well-being that's for sure.

Just last week I was listening to a tape from 2002 where someone stood up at a seminar and said how miserable she had been - and how the events of 9/11 had pushed her 'over-the-edge' - even though it didn't impact her life directly.

Sure - things like London, 9/11, Madrid, Bali etc WILL impact your life if you, loved ones, friends or colleagues are DIRECTLY involved in what happened.

And...as a father who lost a son (through other circumstances) at four-and-a-half - then I can certainly empathize with what you may be going through and my heart goes out to you.

BUT...

If YOUR only experience of this latest tragedy is via the TV - then for goodness sake - pay your respects of course - but don't get sucked into the doom, scaremongering and sadness of it all.

Let those whose lives are affected get on with coping with what happened.

It's YOUR job to take care of YOURSELF and YOUR thoughts - and to get yourself back on a positive track as soon as possible.

And move on.

Don't let the terrorists win the battle of controlling your THOUGHTS!

Perhaps one of the most positive things that came out of the events in London yesterday was something I heard on the radio this morning.

There was a guy who was in the train station above the tube station where one of the bombs went off. He felt the explosion and, of course, was traumatized once he found out what had happened.

He went home early from work with his girlfriend (who was there with him).

As they watched the unfolding events on TV during the day they, perhaps for the first time in their relationship, REALLY talked about who and what was important in their lives.

He got on one knee...proposed to his girlfriend...she accepted...and from being his girlfriend yesterday morning - is now his fiancee.

Now THAT'S the way to deal with things like what happened yesterday!

My thoughts and best positive wishes to everyone involved - but if YOU were not - then use this terrible event as an excuse to look at who and what REALLY matters to you.

And start building UPWARDS from there.

Why I Keep Winking At My Mother-In-Law

On Tuesday last week I woke up to find that the left half of my tongue felt strange...you know - like when you drink something too hot and burn it?

Well...I couldn't taste anything either.

Strange.

Even stranger was when I woke up last Wednesday and the left side of my lips felt like I had just returned from the dentist - tingly and almost numb.

My left eye also felt blurry and my left ear ached - and so a trip to the doctors for me!

Turns out that I've got 'Bell's Palsy' (my dad, bless him, went around telling everyone that I had cerebal palsy - which is a trillion times more serious!) - you may have heard of it.

Basically - one of the nerves from the brain to face STOPS...they're not sure why - mabye because of infection (well...my glands did come up the next day).

This then means that the muscles on that side of the face DROP and you lose most of the feeling on that side of your face.

Not serious. 50% of cases go back to normal within a month. 99% of people go back to normal within 6 months.

It's just a little uncomfortable and awkward.

Slurping coffee in Starbucks certainly gets me noticed...and my mother-in-law thought that I was winking at her because I can't blink my left eye properly!

Not only that - ANY form of focused eye contact - ie whilst driving, working at my computer, watching TV for longer periods - makes my eye water and itch - as if I've got permanent hay-fever.

I also have some fun-and-games trying to say words that have 'F', 'B', or 'P' in them!

I've resorted to covering my left up whilst I am on my computer just so that I am able to squeeze a little more time out of it... (don't laugh!)...

Yes...I know I look a 'state'...Lesley told me that I should pull the window blind down when I'm working so that the neighbours don't think that I'm practicing being in some dodgy pirate panto!

By about 4pm I need to spend some time with my eyes shut to 'rest' them.

All good fun - I can tell you!

It's certainly changed the way I use my day - that's for sure.

I've suddenly had to become an audio (as opposed to visual) learner. Good job I bought an Ipod a few weeks ago!

So far in the last week I've listened to 17 CDs-worth of spoken-word audio stuff about Spirituality and personal development!

I still manage my daily stroll on the beach to give my eye some fresh air.

The lessons I've learned from this?

- Don't take what is normal for granted
- Look upon it as a challenge to still 'get things done' when you aren't able to do things in the way you usually do
- You may scare young children with your crooked facial expressions!
- As Michael Caine said on a chat show once - I am always looking to "Use The Difficulty" to my advantage to find ways of doing stuff

Thinking about it - these sorts of lessons can be applied by YOU whenever YOU maybe feeling a little under pressure or your situation has changed.

To be honest - this is more of an inconvenience than anything else...and, of course - I WILL be in that first 50% that go back to normal within the first month.

So...my apologies if I don't write too much over the next few weeks (what do you mean I haven't anyway?)...but I'll try my best to give you a continuing positive slant on my 'interesting' life.

And...just for you - here's a picture that I've just taken of myself giving you one of my crooked smiles...

To give you an idea of what my smile SHOULD look like - just cover over the right side of the picture!

And...no - my chin isn't inflamed - I've been growing my 'double chin' by natural means involving too much food and not much exercise!

So...WHATEVER happens to YOU today - make the MOST of what you DO have going for you!

It's usually a LOT more than you think!

Snowdrops and Lucky Reflections

Last Sunday (20th February) was the 2nd anniversary of losing Connor.

We paid a visit (as we always do on his special occasions - like Sunday, his birthday, and Christmas) - to the children's hospice he used to visit - Demelza House.

It is an understatement to say that Demelza House gives amazing help - not only to the special needs children that visit and get one-on-one attention - but also to the families like us - who were able to have some time doing 'normal' stuff whilst knowing that Connor would be well looked after.

Their 'care' AFTER we lost Connor has also been wonderful.

And...as 'luck' would have it - Demelza's annual 'snowdrop planting' to remember those children no longer with us - happened to be this Sunday.

I counted 12 families who were there...drinking tea and coffee, eating cake and biscuits...all provided at no cost by an organization that unfortunately doesn't get a single penny in assistance from our government here in the UK.

I watched as people were laughing, siblings were painting pots...and little groups of people stood silent as we remembered.

It was strange (yet comforting too) to see other families like us whose lives had forever been changed by those special little children who unfortunately didn't make it.

Some were lucky like us to have over four-and-a-half years learning from our special child...others shared just a few short weeks with theirs.

Yet - even though it was an occasion of reflection - those 12 families were laughing, chatting, and generally getting along - despite all the obvious pain and hardship that they had been through - just like us.

These people knew that they were the lucky ones in a way (I know that I certainly feel that way)...to have had the opportunity to experience life in a way that makes you REALLY appreciate how wonderful 'normal' life is.

It's just a shame that I reckon if that room on Sunday had been full of 12 families of career go-getters who lived in nice houses and drove smart cars - I very much doubt that there would have been as much POSITIVE communication taking place.

Wouldn't YOU agree that that's such a shame?

Life certainly isn't as 'bad' as you think when you realize what these (and other people who go through similar trials) go through just to be able to get out of the door in the morning!

It's easy to sit in front of the TV wishing that your lotto numbers come up because life is 'unfair'.

Just try getting up in the morning knowing that you're one gasp away from a blue-faced son who need resuscitation whilst your wife calls an ambulance.

But - even THAT isn't unfair - that's just a thing called life!

Life is all about perspective...don't make yours worse just because you believe that you're unlucky.

You're not - YOU are certainly one of the LUCKY ones - yet you probably don't realize it.

And I'll be the first to raise my hand to say that I was just like you, too...until a special little boy called Connor came along and made me REALLY appreciate how LUCKY I was after all.

Free - Lessons From The Past

Here is a brand new Special Report called "Lessons From The Past..." in which I share some of the lessons that I have learned over the last 12 months...and how my experiences can help YOU, too.

Right-click here and choose "Save Target As" to download

Please note that you have FULL 'giveaway rights' to this Special Report...so feel free to share it with anybody who may be interested.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and to add your comments below.

And...look out next week for "Lessons From The Future..."

Why, Skye, And RSI!

To listen to this week's ezine (which is around 21 minutes long)...just click the PLAY button below...

Alternatively, if you wish to download the audio to listen to later - you can do so by right-clicking and choosing "Save Target As" on this mp3 file link which is 3.82MB in size.

I hope that you enjoy the audio.

If you have any comments...just let me know.

Feedback...And The Male Art Of Shuffling!

As the days and years go on...I am constantly trying to work out one thing...

WHY!

Both you and I should be seriously considering...

- WHY we do what we do
- WHY we don't do what we do
- WHY we have done something in the past...yet struggle to do again
- WHY we spend more time worrying than doing (but you've been there, right?)

And....many more WHYs I haven't written down!

We're complicated creatures - yet, in a way, we work simply.

And - it's all down to how we value and use FEEDBACK.

For example...

Over the last few weeks I have had a cough that has now progressed into a cough/cold...and, as my wife Lesley would say - it would be easy for me to start 'shuffling' my way through the house feeling sorry for myself as I have done so many times in the past!

(Note: If you're a man - you'd understand!)

Yet this time - although I do feel somewhat 'under the weather'...I feel a little different.

Why?

Well...instead of just accepting that, because I 'usually' get a summer cold, and suffer from a mild asthma - I've questioned WHY.

WHY do I suffer from the odd cold and wheezing fits? (albeit a lot less than I used when I commuted and worked in an office)

Well...I KNOW that I am a positive thinker - and I know that I am not actively shuffling and feeling sorry for myself (most of the time!).

But...I also know that I am overweight for my size...and, since I begin this nomadic sitting-in-front-of-a-computer-all-day-long lifestyle - the only real exercise I take is chewing my food! (and the occasional walk by the beach).

So...instead of just ACCEPTING that I will *always* be ill every now and again - I'm looking for the FEEDBACK from my body.

And that feedback is telling me that I should treat it with a little more respect and not take it for granted!

In exactly same way as I do my business and my relationships.

Except this realization has taken me a lot longer than the other two!

So, for YOU - what feedback is YOUR body, relationships, or work effort giving YOU?

If it's good - great! But...if, like me - it may not be - how are you going to WORK with the feedback that you've been given so that it DOES become better?

The Wealth. The Houses. And A Nice Sea View.

I watch very few TV programmes these days...but I was fascinated yesterday by one that looked at the houses for sale on Barbados.

The scale of these properties were, in many cases, astounding...but a couple of things really stood out for me.

Many of these huge properties share beach-fronts with what could only be called shacks.

Why?

Well...some years ago - this beach-front land was given to the ex-slaves who worked on the plantations as it was all but worthless.

Not any more. The owners of some of these shacks have been offered millions of dollars to sell.

Many don't because they say that they wouldn't change the view out of their kitchen window for anything!

One of the very wealthy would-be buyers got it spot on when he said that people like him paid tens of millions for the same thing that the poor locals got for free...

- the sea views
- their own deserted beach
- the weather
- the laid-back lifestyle

Just goes to show that once you have made your fortune - you are just as likely to want to buy the things that you CAN quite often (although on a lesser scale) get for free or for very little.

Another interesting point was made by one of the maids who worked in one of the often-deserted mansions on the beach.

She could honestly say that her mult-millionaire employers didn't seem particularly happy - despite all of their wealth.

She observed that, for most people, once you made your millions...it seemed that you had to work even harder and get more stressed so that you could continue to make MORE!

She realized that, even though she was a lowly-paid maid - she had a much better QUALITY of life than those people she worked for.

Interesting stuff...and it certainly got ME thinking about the point of 'collecting' houses and material things if you never stop long enough to take a deep breath, relax, and actually ENJOY them!

Of course...not all multi-millionaires live this way - but many do.

What's the point in working yourself into the ground - WHATEVER you earn - if it doesn't allow you to EXPERIENCE life?

Mr Contrary And A Lucky Life

On Friday evening we went to see some of Katie's old school-friends and their parents.

Over a few beers and a barbeque...a few swords were crossed...a little light 'banter' taking place between people with completely opposite views!

And...guess who had the MOST 'opposite' views of what most people class as important.

Yep...yours truly!

Now...I've given up trying to 'convert' people to see that there is more to life than money and 60+ hour weeks chasing a career.

I've come to understand that people will only 'get it' when they are READY!

When they're ready to open their minds a little and see that life doesn't have to be a constant push-pull struggle - and instead can, on the whole, be quite pleasant on a day-to-day basis.

Even if you DON'T have much money or a high-flying career!

It IS possible...but only if YOU really want it to be.

Most people aren't quite there yet in terms of going against the common beliefs that generations have shaped...whether 'right' or 'wrong'.

The other night I was actually called LUCKY for being able to work at home doing something that I enjoy.

LUCK doesn't come into it...but that's another epidode entirely!

I work very hard at what I do...and, belief me, the circumstances that got me 'here' I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy in terms of the pain, stress, and upset they caused.

Yet...for me...it's made me realize how LUCKY I really am to have had to gone through all of that with Connor - and roll up here with an understanding that I CAN enjoy my life more than I ever did.

If I (and YOU) choose to, that is.

Work And The Mind-Numbing Challenge...

Perhaps more than ever before...I am looking at whether something is not only a good use of my time...but also whether it is something that I actually ENJOY doing.

Of course...it's not always easy to balance both against earning an income to survive on...but I firmly believe that, unless I am actually focusing on what I REALLY want to do - then the money side becomes much less important.

Why?

Well...I used to be paid a fair amount of money as a consultant - yet it almost cost me my marriage and sent me spiraling down towards depression.

A 'good' position with all the material things that go with it (as well as bigger time constraints on my free time) didn't do much for my sanity - I can tell you!

The thing is...because it is almost EXPECTED of you to leave school, get a good job, carve out a career, work hard until retirement...and THEN enjoy life - then when I talk about doing things a different way around - people just don't get it!

Now - you may well not be working for yourself like I am - and are therefore more able to have more CHOICE in terms of what you DECIDE to do.

But, you do STILL have a choice about whether you stay in a job you hate - or whether you push yourself that bit harder to get that position you REALLY want - yet always complain that you don't get.

Even if you are working in a factory or McDonald's - there are ALWAYS ways that you can either -

1) Make more of what you do
2) Show yourself to be someone who is 'going places'

When I used to work in a mind-numbing check-processing 'machine room' in a bank from the age of 16 to 18 - I used to challenge both myself and my colleagues to see who could 'code' the most cheques (with the amount of the cheque on the bottom).

I can tell you - the process of doing so was like tapping away at a calculator whilst picking up a cheque and inserting into the machine every few seconds.

It could EASILY have been soul-destroying - especially around Christmas when we would work 14-hour days just processing checks all day long.

Except it wasn't.

One year I broke the bank record (unofficial because we'd made it up the year before!) for check processing.

Something like 9,185 checks. That is a LOT of checks!

I can tell you...at the time...it was perhaps my finest hour of my then-short working life!

But...didn't I (and my competing colleagues) have FUN doing it!

It IS possible to make ANYTHING more exciting - just be making it more of a challenge.

And...if you ARE in a position to have more control over what you do during your working day - then PLEASE make sure that you try to do stuff that you actually ENJOY doing and find CHALLENGING.

I've often said that 'life's too short'.

Well...as you're spending a massive chunk of it working - why not try at least to make that time something that, on the whole, is a POSITIVE experience?

Isn't it worth a try?

The Kite And YOU

This afternoon we took Katie down to the beach to fly her new kite.

Now...even though it was probably the cheapest one we could find...it STILL was capable of coasting, dipping and diving as the wind dictated.

Except when Katie failed to keep its 'nose' up.

Then...it would just come crashing down sending sunbathers scattering...and then embed itself into the pebbles on the beach.

This happened even though the wind was ALWAYS there.

One chink on the string in the wrong direction...and the whole fly-ability of that kite would fall apart in less that half a second.

Are YOU trying to go AGAINST the wind instead of WITH it?

It's easily done, of course.

For example...isn't it so much easier to see what you do wrong than acknowledge what you are great at?

I know...I have that very same problem!

We forget that firstly, we DO have talent...and secondly, that we HAVE made progress (I hope) from this time last year.

Be like that kite when it's facing the wind...go for it for all you're worth!

And...when the wind changes and your nose drops a little...and you feel as if you are crashing down back to where you started, just remember one important thing...

That wind will ALWAYS be there as soon as you get back up there again!

These Success Waters Are Lovely!

All the money in the world couldn't buy the experience I had today.

If you've got children...you'll understand.

After a rare hot day...we decided to go to a nice sandy beach about 20 miles from where we live.

A very pleasant four hours were had by us all (even me who hates sand!).

But...seeing eight-year-old Katie's face as the ice cold English Channel hit her full in the face as a wave crashed over her was worth ANY money you could pay me!

Yeah...I'm a 'cruel' father...but she soon got her own back when she made me swim for about 6 inches in water that seemed to have ice in it!

Yet...even though it STARTED off as freezing...eventually you DO get used to it, don't you?

It's always a shock when you first dip your toes in the water...yet ten minutes later you're swimming away quite happily.

Yet...the temperature of the water didn't change - YOUR perception of how cold it was did.

I sped the process along a little more quickly by sitting myself and Katie at the edge of the water and told her to imagine that the water was really warm...like bath water.

We soon got used to it...yet...if I had been on my own - I would have just dipped my toes in - convinced myself it was too cold to bother...and just walk back up the beach again!

And I wouldn't have had some FUN!

It's like ANYTHING 'new' in YOUR life.

It may feel strange when you first 'test the water'...yet in most cases...what you most fear about what MIGHT happen - NEVER does.

Plus...it proves to you that you CAN do it.

So...I haven't got an excuse NOT to go back into that freezing water next time I am down on the beach (alone or otherwise)...and YOU won't be able to have an excuse NOT to carry on doing something new once you've started it already!

Just try it and see - these success waters are lovely!

Just Get It Out Of The Way!

It's easy to get distracted when you're not really doing something that excites you.

Wouldn't you agree?

Of course...we all have to do those things that we would rather not...but the 'pain' can be lessened if you know that once it's out of the way...THEN you'll be able to do more exciting stuff.

For example...I know that I must cut the grass in my garden...and that it will take me over 2 hours to do so.

But...it's something that I don't particularly enjoy...although, of course...I'm always happy with the end result.

The trouble is that it has been occupying my mind for the last few weeks. Working at home doesn't work...as, when the sun shines, Lesley starts giving me one of her 'knowing' looks.

Bet you've been there, right?

It might not be grass...it may be your taxes...or that final bit of DIY that needs finishing.

These little 'have-to' jobs clutter up our head - when really we should be using our minds for more challenging things!

It can easily drain both your motivation and your energy if you are spending too much time constantly thinking of stuff that you DON'T want to do!

So...I'M cutting MY grass over the weekend (whether providing)...what will YOU be doing to get rid of one of those nagging tasks?

The Little Thing That Tips The Balance

I'm a lazy sort of person.

Well...I'm not exactly lazy...but I like to make sure that I actually have some 'down time' occasionally (which, believe me...isn't that easy to do when your office is next to the living room!).

You see...life's all about balance.

I used to work all the hours I could chasing a career that deep down I didn't want. I missed the first couple of years of now-eight-years-old Katie growing up.

It's a mistake I certainly wouldn't repeat again.

I was so focused on how much money I could get in return for what I did that I forgot that there was a lot of GOOD things that either money couldn't buy...or didn't cost very little.

Things like a cuddle from your child. A knowing smile from your wife when she finally laughs at one of your jokes!

THOSE sorts of things.

I get them all of the time now because I spend more time with both Lesley and Katie than I ever used to...though, in terms of hours...I actually WORK longer!

I know that it may not be easy for YOU just to 'down tools' for an hour's walk along the beach, for example...but it's the LITTLE things that really do matter where quality of life is concerned.

Things like meeting your partner for lunch. Surprising them by taking the afternoon off to spend time with them. Doing those little romantic things like emptying the dishwasher or hanging out the clothes.

THOSE sort of LITTLE things DO make a difference...add VALUE to your life...yet don't cost a single penny!

Plus...when the people you love are happy...doesn't that make YOU happy?

It certainly makes ME happy, that's for sure.

So...just for a few moments after you stop reading this...think about one, tiny, little thing that will brighten up your and/or your family's day.

Just one. That's all.

And once you realize that it DOES make a difference...then it will certainly help to put your life into a much more pleasant perspective.

Life's One Big Confidence Trick!

Let's face it...if you're not confident in who you are, what you do, and why you do it...life can seem quite a challenge!

But it doesn't have to be that way.

Confidence always seems to be something that OTHER people have...and YOU want.

Yet, it's still one of those things that seem so far away...no matter how much you 'build' yourself up mentally.

I'll let you into a little secret about confidence.

It's ALL a TRICK of YOUR mind!

Honestly.

Once you realize it...and begin to shatter the myths that you had previously believed about yourself to be true - you'll know that you've been literally holding yourself back from success because of it.

I know...I did so for years.

I always tried to compare myself to other people...and (funnily enough) would always be worse off than them in MANY 'departments'.

Little did I realize that they were thinking the SAME!

It takes a little guts to face your mental barriers about how GOOD you are.

But...once you understand that other people are more concerned about themselves than you THINK that they are about you - you will find it easier just to 'get on with it'.

Life's a challenge...yet the challenge is all the more exciting when you are competing with YOURSELF...than when you're trying to compare yourself to other people!

Go on - try it and see!

The Shuffler's Guide To Dealing With A Cold...

Isn't the mind a wonderful thing?

Lesley laughs at me before I go to any seminar...as I always seem to have a cold 'appear' the day before I go.

Now...I am not, for a moment, suggesting that I am good at creating my own illnesses consciously!

I think that, because I am at a 'heightened state of awareness' (OK - rushing around to get everything done!)...that I must batter my body into submission!

Yesterday...my brother, Mark, and I put on a seminar for the first time. (It was on marketing both off-and online for small businesses).

And...guess what 'appeared' the night before?

That little sore feeling in my throat...that is the signal that I'm getting a cold!

(God...I'm SO predictable!)

But...worries about whether I'd lose my voice for my presentation aside...I was too busy making sure that everything went according to plan to 'worry' about it.

The seminar went as well as we could have hoped...even though a couple of the delegates thought that I was a little too 'honest' (my words!) in my appraisal of their web efforts!

Do I care? Well...I only care to tell the TRUTH (in my opinion, of course), whether it is what they want to hear or not.

Anyway...I woke up this morning back home...and 'normal service' resumed.

I've just started what Lesley calls 'shuffling' and feeling sorry for how REALLY 'ill' I am...so I thought that I'd better write this to take my mind off of things before I have a little 'lie down' on the sofa!

Though...because I KNOW a positive, healthy mindset doesn't allow much room for a SERIOUS cold...perhaps I'll just rest up for a couple of hours instead of the couple of days that I used to when I had to 'work' for a living!

If you're a man, you'll understand how important 'shuffling' is to making sure that our better halves know how REALLY 'under the weather' we are.

And...if you are one of those 'better halves'...then I know that you understand that I AM the 'weaker sex'...and PROUD of it!

The Legacy Of One Little Boy

Today has been like the day before you go to the dentists.

Tomorrow...it will be a year since we lost Connor...and, unlike the other 'firsts' (his birthday, Christmas Day etc)...it isn't an anniversary that we can find any positive thoughts about.

So...forgive me if I am not particularly 'inspirational' today.

I'm not the sort of person who dwells on things...nor someone who takes a negative view on life.

But...I am certainly a person who can reflect on what has happened over the last few years.

My son changed MY life beyond recognition...and is STILL changing the path of many people around him...either through me...or from the knock-on effects on what he did when he was around...and because we lost him.

The only thing that I take strength from when I think of tomorrow is that I AM proud to have had a little boy who literally 'changed the world'...even though he couldn't make a sound.

His old special nursery school is now more capable of dealing with 'highly dependent' children because he upset the system!

Both Lesley and I very rarely get 'worked up' about anything any more because we KNOW what is REALLY important in life.

I could go on...but all I want to really say to YOU is...

Appreciate what you have going FOR you...and don't dwell on what might have been, what should happen, or what you wish were different tomorrow.

ANYBODY could deal with what Lesley and I have had to over the last few years...but it's not until you do something like it yourself that you understand how much untapped POTENTIAL there is in EVERY person, yes - that includes YOU!

So...as a favor in respect of Connor...please take a little time over the next few days to think of what's GOOD in your life.

We spend too much time focusing on the negatives to realize what an amazing time we CAN have...if only we ALLOW ourselves to.

I know...because I CAN...and so can YOU, too.

Smile Like You're Eight Years Old

It's Katie's 8th birthday today. (Happy birthday, sweetheart)

If you're a parent...you'll understand how fast time flies when you begin to see your kids grow up (and answer back more!).

For me...my birthday just comes and goes...and at 34, I've no reason to be excited about another one!

But, boy...is Katie excited!

She couldn't sleep last night...even after counting elephants (I told her to count sheep...but she wanted to count elephants!).

She got up just before 6am...literally screaming in both mine and Lesley's ears!

She jumped up and down when she got a 'groovy chick' 2-litre water cooler as a present. (don't ask).

She's been screaming for the last 2 hours as she has a little 'party' with five of her new friends.

Don't YOU wish that YOU could be so EXCITED about life?

I do, too.

But...even though I've had my share of bad times over the last few years...I've realized that, even though it's not really in me to jump up and down when it's my birthday...I DO have some laughs along this road called LIFE.

More happy than sad times...even after the year we had last year.

So, if you're reading this...THANK YOU.

And please, please...SMILE a little today - whatever your circumstances...just like you did when YOU were eight years old.

You certainly won't regret doing it, that's for you.

And...you might like it enough to want to do it some more!

Then You'll See

I'm in a philosophical mood at the moment...as we are approaching the last of the 'firsts' since we lost Connor.

It's scary to think of how him being around...and then not...has impacted upon my family's lives.

Of course...you're probably aware that if he hadn't come along, you wouldn't be reading this now.

But...on a more personal level...there are a few things that have come out of him NOT being around.

We were able to move to the coast...which, aside from changing the path of both Lesley and I, has forever changed Katie's life.

Not only that...my parents are now moving around the corner of us (incidentally between our house and Lesley's parents, in terms of distance),

So...because we lost Connor...we have a more 'relaxed' lifestyle by the sea, and my parents were able to move because somebody they knew was already down here.

The only reason this became obvious to me was as Lesley and I talked about hpw the decisions we made both before, during, and after Connor being around had shaped our lives.

His legacy lives on through having a positive impact on his closest family's quality of life.

That's my boy!

But...it also reinforced my belief that EVERY single decision that YOU make has so may 'offshoots' from it that you can't usually comprehend.

By that very same token...if you don't really make that many POSITIVE and challenging decisions...then nothing much is going to change, is it?

You can't possibly know how VALUABLE the decisions in your life can be to your future...unless you MAKE them.

Then you'll see.

It's Snow Simple, Really

It's snowing here for the first time in a year or so...and soon-to-be-eight-years-old Katie is in her element.

Even though her hands are literally frostbitten, her cheeks are red and burning...and snow is falling inside her coat and down her back...she is loving every minute of it!

Why can't we be like that?

Why can't we just enjoy the moment...and forget about the fact that in reality, if we stopped to think about it, we might feel a little uncomfortable.

Shame that we focus on what we DON'T like about what we do...instead of concentrating on what we DO like.

Whatever your circumstances...there MUST be something that you like about what you do.

No?

Well...I'll put it this way...you would soon find ANY way possible out of where you currently are if you absolutely 'backs-against-the-wall' had to.

I know...I've been there...and did exactly that!

Because it got to the point where there was NOTHING keeping me at my job that was more important than quitting.

And...that's why you might still be doing what you are doing...even if you get that regular Monday morning feeling.

We always aim for the comfort zone in whatever we do. Change means stepping out of that...so, even without realizing it...we probably get a lot more out of what we don't think that we like than we realize.

It's only when you KNOW that change is THAT important to your well-being or peace of mind that you actually DO something about it!

So...all that you've got to do know is begin something that is SO exciting...that you can't wait to want to do more of it.

That's why almost every single successful person you could mention LOVE what they do...even if they say that they don't!

So...in the short-term...if you don't have a burning desire to work on something...find what challenges you where you currently are...and build from that.

It's the ONLY way.

You Are That Person...Whether You Like It Or Not!

It's often very easy to assume that your past is a guide to your future.

I can categorically say that it is not!

Whatever you background or your current financial status...the ONLY thing that will get in the way of you achieving whatever you want from your life is...

YOU!

Yep...and I'm sorry to say that most people who wish their lives were different forget that every single decision that they have ever made...was made by THEM.

Yet still...they blame other people for where they are or what they don't have.

It's easy to do, isn't it?

I personally made a big leap in my own development when I finally admitted to myself that I ALONE am responsible for my OWN future.

I know that my results will be determined by my efforts. MY efforts.

The 'buck stops here'.

Sure...things may not go the way I expect sometimes...but, as long as anything that I have control over delivers...then that's the most important thing.

Other people WILL let you down. Other people won't necessarily help you.

Accept it. That's life.

And...YOU are the person who is in SOLE control of YOURS!

It's Christmas...And It's That Important...

It's Christmas Eve...and usually this means that everyone is getting all excited about tomorrow.

For us...it will be a different Christmas this year - for obvious reasons.

But...I've got a feeling that we going to have some fun this year.

Despite our ups-and-downs...both Lesley and I realize how important just LIVING is...even though sometimes it takes some work to make it 'work'!

We both know how important it is to value your relationships - ALL year round...not just because it's Christmas.

I'm sure that YOU do, too...but do you show it?

Should you treat your friends and family any different just because it's Christmas?

Shame that a lot of people do.

What's important at Christmas should be important ALL YEAR ROUND...no matter what 'day' it is.

Of course...I am not for a moment suggesting that you ACT as if it is Christmas every day.

All that I am suggesting is that, when you are sitting there on Christmas afternoon...full of whatever you have eaten...look around you.

Look at the people that you are SHARING Christmas with.

Look at EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

Even those ones who perhaps you'd rather not want to be around...wouldn't they still be MISSED in some way if they weren't around next year?

Now...I'm not attempting to be morbid.

All I really want YOU to do...is to appreciate those around you a LITTLE MORE...that's all.

A tiny little effort can often make a BIG difference...believe me.

So...have a wonderful Christmas...and don't forget to appreciate WHATEVER and WHOEVER is in YOUR life during this wonderful time.

Doesn't it always FEEL better deep down when you GIVE something?

Begin NOW...it's THAT important.

The Songbird Of Coincidence?

Today we went to a candlelight service at Demelza House - the children's hospice where Connor used to have so much fun when he was around.

Although not the first time that we had been back, it was the first time that we went back into the main living/kitchen area.

It brought back so many memories that it was a moving experience just walking through the doors.

What with the candlelight service...well, you could say that it was an emotional and thought-provoking day.

Especially as we were wandering through the peaceful 'rememberance' garden where Connor's ashes were scattered.

Just as Lesley and Katie went to sit in the pergola...they screamed and jumped up!

There was a little bird flying under the roof of the pergola...which seemed very unusual - especially considering that...at 5.pm. on a near-freezing countryside afternoon - it was dark.

Of course...our parents didn't give it a second thought...but, I bet that you know, that I KNOW different.

Not only that...one of the verses chosen by the head of care at Demelza House was a few lines from a song by Eva Cassidy...who (coincidentally?) was the singer of the song we played at Connor's service earleier in the year...the one which I mentioned was in the movie - "Love Actually" - that I wrote about on 21st November.

The title of that song?

"Songbird"

Makes you think, doesn't it?

The Past IS A Guide To Your Future

Sometimes all it takes is one event to change your future.

It's funny...because up until around five years ago (perhaps not surprisingly - before my son was born)...I can't recall having any of those times, which in retrospect, were what I would call 'turning points' in my life.

Yet...in those last five years...I can honestly say that there are at least half-a-dozen cases of situations which I had to deal with thst literally turned my life 'path' in a completely different direction.

Why do you think that it's only happened so recently? (I'm almost 34 years old after all).

Well...I firmly believe that, because I was actively seeking a 'way out', or a means to develop myself, or had a desire to emulate someone that I admired - this meant that I was leaving myself 'open' for those life-changing decisions.

Strange...but nevertheless true.

Have YOU got any events in your past which defined where your future went (even though you may not have realized it at the time)?

It's all very having them...but in order to use them to your FUTURE advantage...you need to look at what you might have done differently to get yourself into that life-altering position in the first place.

Remember...your limits are only defined by how much you BELIEVE in yourself.

So...isn't it about time that you got yourself into more of those 'defining' moments?

It all begins with deciding that there is NO way back to your old 'habits'.

Are you ready for THAT?

YOU Are MUCH Better Than That!

Have you ever wondered how people seem to succeed against all the odds?

I bet that you've probably looked at them...and thought that they must have been 'special' in some way in order to do so.

Well...I can tell you that they are NOT.

They're not because I know that, to some people, what I have achieved despite what has happened to my family may seem difficult in some way.

It's NOT!

Sure...looking back...I wondered how we ever dealt with some of the situations we found ourselves in as Connor struggled to survive.

But...deal with them we did. And then just got on with our lives.

I never knew that I would have such a capacity to juggle so many different things at the same time as learning a new 'skill'...24 hour nurse!

Of course it wasn't easy. Events that define your life very rarely are.

But...whether events work out in your favor in the end...it doesn't really matter in the 'big scheme of things'.

All that matters is that you come out of the other side...and realize that you were NOT 'just' such-and-such person...you were able to be much more than that.

And...if you can deal with so much at one time in your life...then there is certainly no reason why you can't at ANY other time.

It's just a shame that all too often you need one hell of a serious challenge to make you realize that you were NOT the limited person that you thought you were.

YOU are MUCH better than that!

Life. Is It All In Your Mind?

It's scary how your mind can play tricks on you.

Today we are visiting my mother's house for the first time since we moved a couple of weeks ago.

Both Lesley and I have just had a 'discussion' with Katie because she is frightened that my mother's tiny shi-tzu dog is going to chase after the tassles on her clothes!

Yet...normally Katie is more than happy to play with 'Charlie'.

But today...she is almost beside herself with worry that he might chase after her!

It's amazing how...despite nothing whatsoever changing in the external environment...YOU change.

Of course it might not be as obvious as Katie's behavior...but it still happens - probably more than you think.

For example...a passing comment in a conversation may have a dramatic effect on your self-confiedence.

I've personally received emails that 'have a go' at me for some unjustifiable reason...but it does have an impact...even though nothing has really changed!

So...be careful how much you 'talk yourself into' (or out of) situations that are really only based upon the tricks that your mind plays on you.

Always remember...YOU are more in control than you think!

It's Love Actually...But Not In That Split Second

Isn't it strange how your view of life can change in just a split second?

It happened to me and Lesley today.

We went to the cinema to see the new movie starring (amongst others) Hugh Grant - "Love Actually".

I'll tell you now that if you loved films like Four Weddings And A Funeral, Notting Hill, and Bridget Jones' Diary - then you'll LOVE this!

And we did...up until about three quarters of the way through.

As with all movies these days...there is a soundtrack that accompanies different scenes.

As soon as the opening bars of a song in a particular scene began...our hearts dropped.

The song was "Songbird" by Eva Cassidy...and the last time that we heard it was as everybody walked into Connor's funeral in February this year.

Not only that...the film is set in London...and guess what image flashed up just thirty seconds later?

Guy's Hospital...where Connor had all of his operations...and spent a fair few months of his life in.

The rest of the movie could have been the best thing ever made...but Lesley and I didn't really notice it.

In fact...we have been a little 'strange' all day because of it.

And...this is the ONLY thing that I can bring myself to do work-wise today.

It goes to show that you NEVER know what is around the corner that might knock you off of the path that you are on.

So...doesn't it make sense to accept that, whatever happens in life, there will ALWAYS be people and events that you cannot control...no matter how hard you try.

All you can do is accept that life has a habit of tripping you occasionally.

You just have to make sure that you force yourself to get back up, dust yourself down, and 'get on with it'.

Just like I will be doing when I wake up tomorrow.

The New School Of Adaptability

Katie had her first day at her brand new school today.

I think that both Lesley and I were more nervous than she was!

We didn't need to be.

Come 3 o'clock...and seven-year-old Katie is all smiles...and had already made a friend.

And, we couldn't stop her from talking about her new school!

Isn't it scary how easily children adapt?

Why do WE lose that ability to be able to just automatically adjust to our new surroundings?

We were worried that Katie would miss her friends, the school, her teacher. After all - she had been with them all for the last three years.

Yet - Katie is too concerned with making the most of the situation that she is in NOW to worry about missing someone or something in the past.

Are YOU focusing SOLELY on the NOW instead of worry about the implications of what you may or may not have done in your past?

Of course...it's not easy to just 'forget' and move on.

But...if YOU had the ability to do so when you were a child...why can't you STILL have that ability NOW?

How To Do Nothing With Change

It's not always easy to 'cope' when change is thrust in your way.

Because of my move...my whole routine has been turned upside-down...and it isn't easy to adjust overnight!

Half the battle with change, though...is how you react to it.

Once you begin to 'wish' that things were back the way they used to be...you're in trouble.

It's no good letting that little negative 'monster' eat away at you. It will only make a challenging situation a LOT worse!

So...what do you do?

Well...from my own experience over the last couple of days...NOTHING!

Nothing?

That's right. If you let yourself get worked up by the fact that things are different then you won't help yourself adjust to the situation one little bit.

Remember...your natural reaction to change is to compare the 'before' and 'after'...even if you have changed to something much better.

And...guess what the natural human reaction is when you compare where you are now with something (or someone).

You will ALWAYS be able to find something negative when you make the comparison. You won't be able to help yourself.

So...at the moment I'm trying to just ease into a routine that, although completely different...is one that I KNOW makes sense where my future is concerned.

And that's the key.

Remember...if the change (whether you may think that it is good or bad) is contributing towards your 'ideal' future...then what have you got to worry about?

Just relax, take a deep breath...and give yourself enough mental breathing space so that you DON'T beat yourself up about the fact that things may not seem quite as good as they 'used to be'.

Well, that's the way I deal with change...what about YOU?

Your Big Decision To Success

Despite my best intentions...I had to miss posting an entry yesterday because of the fact that I couldn't even find the cables for my PC amongst the hundreds of boxes that made up our worldly possessions.

Lesley feels right at home in our new house...but I currently feel like a lodger!

It's funny that all through our working lives we avoid change like the plague...yet most of us move every 5-10 years or so. In our two previous houses we have lasted five and six years respectively.

All of the upheaval and cost that goes with moving means that it is not something that is never trouble-free...yet don't we make the decision to do so on emotion and gut feeling?

Why can't we do that in our normal day-to-day lives as easily?

Why do YOU think that this is?

Could it be that, where moving is concerned...we are always making a POSITIVE move TOWARDS something 'better'...yet, the humdrum of ordinary life and career doesn't provide us with the necessary push to make things happen?

I believe that whatever you are moving towards day-to-day is, as a whole, only going forward a little at a time...it therefore can be hard for you to see that, you ARE moving towards where you really want to go...it just doesn't seem that way.

It's only when we literally GROW out of our present position at work that we finally get around to changing jobs. Or perhaps that we have allowed ourselves to 'suffer' enough that spurs us to finally get out.

But what if you could capture that sort of inspiration to make the BIG decisions...and USE it to help you move forward daily?

Perhaps without realising it...I do it in many forms - through writing this...through pushing myself out of my comfort zone...through being held accountable.

How could YOU tap into those feelings and emotions of the BIG decisions that are usually made more easily than the small ones...so that you are able to make some inroads in moving forward that little bit more regularly.

Of course...this 'theory' may be a little abstract to you to be able to apply...but try to think of the times that you made one of those big decisions - to quit your job, to move house, to try for a family, to 'pop the question'.

How were you motivated to make those life-changing decisions that forever would impact upon your future?

How you can tap into that STRENGTH of character that you DO possess to make things happen NOW?

I'd be interested to know...

YOUR time is NOW. It's time to MOVE.

Our house is almost a bare shell of what it used to be now that practically anything that moves has been boxed up!

Not only that...my Broadband connection has been taken away so I am playing 'dial-up modem tag' all afternoon.

The house stays...but we take everything that defines us and our past...and walk away.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if we could leave our mental 'baggage' behind us as we make our way through the different phases of our lives.

It's so sad that we can be influenced by our past so much that it can have a terminal effect on our future.

We're leaving quite a few sad (but still a number of happy) memories behind in the walls of our house...yet all that they represent in regards to my future is coming with me.

The six years we have had at this house defined a period in my life that I feel sad about...yet still feel exhilarated about.

So...I'm going to leave this house an entirely DIFFERENT person to the one I was when I first set foot in it.

The rollercoaster ride over that time has defined me and my relationships so much that their mark (and Connor's smile) will remain etched deep within my memory until my last days.

Not only that...I feel that, even though you know me...yet I don't really know you...I know that, because of all this...we would meet each other as friends if we were to ever meet in person.

How powerful is that?

I've gone from worrying about what newspaper to read to focusing on how I can have even a minor impact on the lives of 25,000 people worldwide.

The journey may have taken me six years...but it only really began just under two years ago when I quit my job.

Everything that I previously 'stood' for in regards to my career or my 'position' in society means nothing now...a whole fifteen years of peer pressure 'wasted' before my very eyes.

Who knows what the NEXT couple of years may bring? New house, new life, new 'start'.

Why don't you join me...and start by writing down what YOU would leave behind in that old mental 'house' of yours when you finally make that decision to MOVE ON to a better lifestyle.

But don't wait too long. The 'if onlys' and 'what ifs' are always there to fool you that some OTHER time is the time.

They're wrong.

YOUR time is NOW. It's time to MOVE. What baggage are you going to leave behind?

The Coincidence Of Moving And Connor's Nurse

As we're moving this Thursday...Lesley sent out the usual 'We're Moving' letters to our friends...and those people who you know...but don't really see that much!

We got a phone call from one of 'those' just now.

It was from Connor's old nurse who did home visits for his first three years or so...whom we had lost touch with recently.

It turns out that she had moved areas in the last month.

And...guess where she had just done a 'home visit' to a special needs child just like Connor?

The same town that we are moving to!

Now...you may call this 'spooky'...or a 'coincidence', but both Lesley and I know otherwise.

Don't you think that our son is trying to tell us that he's still 'around'?

If there was one person who could 'represent' Connor in this way...it would be this lady (whom he also smiled at a lot, 'coincidentally').

Not only that...she is looking to move to...the same area we are moving to.

Now...I used to be cynical of stuff like this...and you may be thinking that about me at the moment.

But...these things have a way of proving me right eventually!

Can I Ask...WHO Are You?

Are you really in tune with who you really are?

This may seem a strange question to ask but...WHO are you?

The first thing that you are NOT is your profession.

So...you are NOT "an accountant", "a homemaker", or "a car mechanic".

Neither are you your level in that occupation.

So...you are NOT "a manager", "a supervisor", or "a clerk"

Let me ask you again - WHO are you, really?

You are NOT your income.

So...you are not "poor", "a millionaire", or "earn $30,000 a year"

If you strip away these things from the answer that you normally give to the question - "Who are you?"...are you left with much?

I doubt it.

I define who I am by HOW I live my life...rather than WHAT I do for a living.

So...I'm a person who is a learner, a teacher, a fighter, a positive thinker, an idea-maker...a person who is dedicated to making the most of what he has got!

What about YOU?

WHO ARE YOU?

Your Money Or Your Wife?

I had an interesting 'discussion' last night with the father of one of Katie's schoolfriends.

He said that he was doing the best thing for his family by working away from home for 3 days a week...and by focusing on earning as much money as he could so that he could retire at age 50 (in 15 years' time).

Sound familiar?

He also said that on a number of occasions, his work would come ahead of his family because..."I've got the next 40-60 years to spend with my family".

I heard the familiar 'reason' for doing what he did, as, because he wanted the 'best' for his children...it made sense for him to work as hard as he could...and earn as much money as he could.

He didn't agree that, in fifteen years' time, his daughter (who would then be 22) might not even care about a father who was 'absent' for a lot of her youth.

The thing is...I could empathise with him, because I WAS like that a few years ago (albeit to a lesser degree).

But...he couldn't 'get' that what was important were what the needs of his wife and children were NOW...and not in fifteen years' time!

What do YOU think?

Am I wrong to dismiss possible ASSUMED future 'financial' happiness at the expense of having a much better family life NOW, today?

The Key To Repeating The Same Mistake THREE Times

Back on July 10th...I managed to lock us out of the house with the spare key in the other side of the door. (You can read about what happened here)

At the time...this is what I wrote...

"Who said that you can't (eventually) learn from things that happen to you...even if it does take TWO attempts to remind you!

And...if we ever get locked out and can't easily get back in again...then it IS my fault!"

Guess what happened today?

Lesley locked us out with my key still in the back of the door!

Even though it was her 'fault'...I was angry with myself because this meant that, along with the front door, we had also left keys in both of the back doors! (even though I said at the time that we shouldn't).

Ever had something happen to you like that when you KNOW that you should have done something at the time...didn't...and had to pay the consequences?

So...just in case I didn't get the message from the two previous efforts of locking ourselves out (both times we managed to get back in)...this time we spent a couple of hours trying...and couldn't.

So...I'm now a wasted afternoon and $70 down for calling out for a locksmith!

Do you think that I'll learn my lesson NOW?

I purposely make sure that I don't repeat 'mistakes' in most areas of my life because I KNOW what effect they can have of holding me back...but, it seems that I still need to improve on a few more things!

The Wisdom Of A Girl Called Katie

"What would you choose if Daddy said that you could either have a day out on Sunday or have ten pounds?"

Lesley was testing Katie (who's 7 years old)...to prove me wrong when I say that even children would rather have time with their parents instead of money.

It took Katie a couple of minutes to decide...

She answered...

"I would rather have a day out on Sunday instead of the money...because it's only money and family is more important!"

She carried on...

"Money is not important. Money is just what you buy something with."

Now...this wasn't a 'set-up'...as this conversation only came about when I asked Katie what I could write about today!

And...that was when Lesley thought that it would be 'fun' to prove me wrong!

Except...Katie (albeit after some serious deliberation - "Oh...those are two of my favorite things!") knows what matters most to her.

Perhaps there is a lesson here for us all!

P.S. Here's something that Katie wanted to say...

"Daddy was benning silly about saying would you like a day out on sunnday or ten,ponds. And I chorse a day out on sunnday and money isent inportent that mutch. But famliys most inportent."

A Wave From David Blaine...

Today Lesley and I did something that we have probably done only a couple of times in ten years.

(No not THAT!).

No...we travelled all of ten miles...and took Katie to London!

Isn't it strange that you NEVER seem to appreciate what's on your doorstep?

We did the tourist thing and spent over two hours on a boat on the River Thames looking at how many apartments were being built in place of the old industrial wharves.

Plus...

At Katie's request we hopped over Tower Bridge to see David Blaine hanging in his perspex box. And...we even seemed to get a wave from him.

There were hundreds of us (very cynical) Brits watching him as he yawned!

When I asked Katie what she would say at school tomorrow about what she had done over the weekend she said "I went to see David Blaine!"

(Forget about the other things we sailed past - Tower of London, Tower Bridge, Houses of Parliament, The London Eye, St.Paul's Cathedral etc!)

So...what's the moral of this little family-day-out story?

1) Don't ignore what you've already got...it's always better than you ever imagined.
2) Remember that the latest 'big thing' is always more attractive than what you've already got...but in the end...it's always just an illusion!

That's ALL You Need To Do

I've noticed something about how my thinking has changed over the last year or so.

I've become solution-focused instead of problem-challenged.

Whoa? Is ole Gary settling back into consultant speak? lol

Well...no...but I can't think of a better way of putting it!

What I mean (in plain English) is that my thinking is now focused towards how I can make NEW things happen instead of looking at how many problems I have to solve.

I expect that the 'problems' are still there...but because I am looking towards how I can turn them into my favor...they don't seem like problems at all!

What about YOU...do YOU think that way?

Do you look upon life as a series of hurdles that you have to jump...

Or do you look at life as something that you are creating yourself as you go along?

It's important that you get your focus right...as you'll be amazed at how many so-called 'lucky' things happen to you when you are focusing on a MAKING a positive outcome instead of FIGHTING against a negative one.

I certainly don't call myself lucky after what has happened to me and my family over the last five years (and there's some things that happened that I'm saving for my 'memoirs' which certainly make me look unlucky! lol).

But...because I am now making positive 'split-second' DECISIONS to force myself out of my comfort zone...things just seem to open up in front of me.

I'm not special...and I'm not especially talented.

In fact...I'm a helluva lot like YOU.

I spent 15 years going through the motions of commuting for up to 5 hours a day counting the years until I could retire.

I always WISHED that I could do more with my life...now, thanks to little Connor and his 'message'...I just DO them instead.

That's all. And...that's ALL you need to do, too.

The Tales of Two Hot Properties

1. House move update...

We have accepted an offer for our house that is about $1,700 less than the 'bogus' offer we had last week.

This means that we will probably end up a similar amount 'out of pocket' after all of our moving expenses...but I would gladly pay that much to have a nicer house and a better quality of life.

And...I also realized today that, as Lesley will be leaving the part-time job that she does for my brother...she won't be bringing home the $1,000 a month that she used to earn.

In the past this would have been a HUGE problem...but I know that I could get her to help me with some admin work instead...which will free up more of my time to do this sort of stuff.

So...all-in-all...this move so far has been a lesson to us that has made us focus on what's really important to us...instead of getting hung up over chasing money.

2. How to lose $150,000 by ignoring your intuition...

I caught the end of a TV programme last night. In it a young couple are given a choice of three houses to choose from...and then, if they guess within £500 either side of its value...they get it for free! (It's called 'Hot Property' and it's on Channel 5 if you are in the UK).

Aside from having an interest in looking at the properties...my main 'thing' is watching as these couples go through the ups and downs of trying to decide on a price that they think the house is worth.

What was interesting last night was that as soon as the couple got into the car to go to the property and started to debate the price...straight away the guy said "I've been dreaming about £89,950 for some reason."

His girlfriend then said "Yeah - that's the figure I've got in my head as well!"

They then spent the rest of the journey talking up the figure to £91,950...as they thought that the house would be more expensive than the figure they first thought of etc etc.

Even still...the guy mentioned that he had this figure in his head...but the house was worth more than that...and 'wouldn't it be funny' if that's what the price of the house really was!

They got to the house. Got out of the car. The cheesy and annoying presenter (if you're in the UK - you'll know! lol)...writes down £91,950 on the board...and slowly reveals the price of the property that, if they get within £500 of...is theirs - free.

Guess what price it was? EXACTLY £89,950!

And, no...the guy wasn't laughing!

Now you may call that unlucky...I call it not listening to your intuition.

I DO Believe! (There You Go - I've Said It!)

I always say that whatever other people may tell you...life is NEVER just 'plain sailing'.

It's almost as if we NEED to take one step back every time that we take two forward...almost as a reminder that we should always consolidate where we are first before we move on.

And...that's exactly what happened to me today.

Our house move was going smoothly...and we even managed to deal with a possible glitch whilst we were on our vacation.

And then we found out that our buyer (and it seems...even his mortgage broker) lied about the position they were in!

We were told that he was renting his house out...and would be able to move in as quickly as we wanted to. Now...it turns out, he's putting his house on the market tomorrow!

So...we are practically back to 'square one' except that we are two weeks and almost $1,500 into the purchase of the house that we want.

So...the fun starts here...and it looks like we may be 'courting' buyers once again!

Just when we thought that we wouldn't have to keep our house that tidy again!

Of course, Lesley is seriously worried about the chance that she could lose her 'dream' home...although, naturally, I'm a little more philosophical (which of course annoys the hell out of her!)

I believe in the 'process'...so we'll just watch and see what will happen, won't we :-)

And Then The Arguments Began...

I hate to admit it...but I've proved myself right! lol

Getting back into this writing-almost-every-day habit after 16 days not doing a thing is a very difficult thing to do!

But...as I am a man who likes to 'walk his talk'...here I am!

Two things struck me from my two weeks away lounging on a sunbed by a swimming pool...

1. I don't need two weeks away any more!

Lesley always used to joke that it took me the first week to 'wind down' from my 9-5 work.

This time...I found that after about five days...I really NEEDED to use my brain!

I read a total of five books whilst I was away...but I realized that, because I have much more freedom during the week to do whatever I like...I don't need a 'break' away from work.

Why?

Well...because to me, work, well, isn't really work. And...therefore I don't really need a long break from it!

Now...I know that you probably aren't in a similar situation as me...but, if you fill as much time as you have control over with what you enjoy doing...then you'll find too that you don't really need a 'rest'.

So...it's only one week at a time in future, that's for sure!

Otherwise I miss trying to write this stuff for too long!

2. Why do people get so 'worked up' about so many things that shouldn't matter?

It's funny watching how people (even from many different countries) can still get stressed...despite not really having anything to get stressed about!

There were arguments, heated discussions...and even outright confrontations about...

- Sunbeds
- Towels
- Splashing
- Adults playing water polo in the childrens' pool
- Lack of cutlery in the restaurant
- Waiting for tables
- The quality (or lack of) of the 'snacks' (we were all-inclusive)
- The heat
- The reception staff
- The variety of the food
- The busyness of the airport
- The time it took to retrieve our baggage back in the UK

All-in-all...it's was quite funny to watch from a detached position like I was as 'mini-crises' evolved almost daily!

People were on holiday...yet were getting worked up about those silly little things that don't even warrant a second thought in my mind these days.

Why do they do it?

It's crazy to see holidays almost ruined over petty little things.

You may say that perhaps I was too laid back to let things like not being able to get a sunbed bother me.

But...

When you look at these sorts of things from the perspective I like to look at life...all I have to say is...

"So What?"

We go through life finding as much of what's wrong as we can...and ignore the fact that sometimes...we haven't got it all that bad!

I've always been a laid-back sort of person...but in the past I would have let a few things 'get to me'...and have an impact on how much I was enjoying my break.

Now...a lot of these holidaymakers would have tales to tell when they returned home...but at the expense of making the most of their break.

And...ultimately...filling their days on vacation with bitterness and anger would hardly constitute what I would call a break!

It makes you wonder what the purpose of all that money and travelling was for!

Floss

Back in the day when I took music lessons, there was a
sign hanging up in the waiting room which read:

"If I miss one day of practice, I notice it.
If I miss two days of practice, my friends notice it.
If I miss three days of practice, EVERYONE notices it!"

I was reminded of that advice learned so many years ago
as I sat in the dentist's chair today. (You just never
know when these pearls of wisdom will come in handy, do
you?)

You see, I missed more than a day or two of flossing
since my last checkup six months ago. And EVERYONE in
that dentist's waiting area, and probably everyone else
in that office building, KNEW it because that little
cleaning and scraping tool never stopped for the full
30 minutes I was in that chair. (I think the good
doctor charged me a bit extra for leaving grip marks in
his arm rest).

So for the next 19 days I'll be a good boy and brush
after each and every meal... and follow that up with
floss and a 30 second rinse with the industrial
strength mouth wash - you know the kind that makes you
wish you were back in the dentist's chair.

Lord knows, I should do it for 21 days because that's
how long it takes to become a HABIT! Fortunately, (or
unfortunately, depending on your perspective) it only
takes me a couple of days to get over the intense pain
of the visit.

Give me another two weeks and the only thing I'll
remember is that FLOSSING is a real pain! I mean, come
on... I'm usually in a rush to get out of the house and
a quick once-around-the-mouth with the brush is all I
have time for, right? And bedtime... forget it. I
barely have enough energy to get the cap off the
toothpaste, let alone USE the stuff. One more minute
to floss? You gotta be kidding me!

Seriously though, for just a couple of extra minutes a
day, I could AVOID a full 30 minutes of pain (or
worse!) six months from now.

And so it is with our goals. How easy it is to miss a
day here and there, and how quickly those single days
escalate into two and three days off until six months
later we are reminded, "Hey, wasn't this once a goal?"

See if you can find a way to break your goal down into
one minute fragments, and make a vow right now to do that
one minute a day at the very least! Six months from
now, you will be a minimum of two hours closer to your
goal than you are right now. And who knows, two hours
may be all you need to break through your success
barrier.

Gotta go brush and floss!

Got a nice clean smile in Toronto,
Russ

Let Them Pay Their Own Way

When I turned 16 a couple of major changes took place
that had a radical effect on the way I am today.

1) I got a job and started paying room and board.
2) I started doing my own laundry.

Mind you, I didn't want to do either one of these
things. I was quite happy with the previous
arrangement of having a lot of things done
'automatically' for me. I never gave a second thought
about hot meals, clean clothes, fresh towels and
bedding. When I needed a ride, taxi-mom or taxi-dad
were ready and waiting with the car already warmed up
from carting my 6 other brothers and sisters around.
Up until that time, basically all I had to do was
behave as much as possible and help out with a couple
of menial chores around the house.

My first job was working in a small grocery store for
$1.60/ hour. (geez, this guy is REALLY old!) I worked
whenever I could, sometimes logging 60 hours a week
during the summer time, happy as all-get-out to bring
home my $70 after taxes. And waiting at the door for
me on pay-day was mom.

We argued. I reeled vehemently against her logic. She
always won!

One day I was complaining about the cost of things and
told my mom flat out that I would start doing things
for and by myself. I reasoned that things just
couldn't be as hard or cost as much as she was making
them out to be. She agreed with one stipulation... I
couldn't use her appliances! She simply couldn't
afford to have her machines out of service for even one
day; not with the gang we had.

"Fine", I said. We reached a compromise that would
save me some cash and take some of the work load off of
her. Mom even went so far as to buy me a laundry
basket - (albeit with my money!)

I did my own laundry. I went on to buy my own clothes,
car and even put myself through college.

Tough love? You bet!

If I had kids of my own, I most likely would have done
things differently.

On the other hand, when I see the way many of my
students are brought up today, it makes me wonder if
they would not benefit from some of that tough love.

Maybe it's just where I live. I see kids refusing to
take jobs because they don't want to do 'that kind of
work'. Or they will keep a job just long enough to pay
for the 'prom' or whatever special event comes along
and quit shortly thereafter.

Upon graduation, there's a new car... not like the six
year old junker I bought for my first car... we're
talking brand new Lexus, Altima, BMW... statooos! I
think the parents get more of a kick out of the
bragging rights than the kids.

Then there's college (or University, as they
like to call it in these parts!) Again, it's expected
that mom and dad will foot the bill.

And don't forget the $30,000 wedding topped off with a
two-bedroom starter home thrown in for good measure.

Sorry to say, but a lot of the teens I know can't even
blow their own nose. Again, I'm hoping this only
happens in my little corner of the world.

The scary thing is, we'll soon be handing over control
to these kids. And what have they learned about
controlling their own lives when literally everything
has been done for them?

I'd love to get some feedback and hear some debate on
this important issue. Are today's kids equipped to
handle responsibility? Sadly, my vote would be no.
Please tell me how wrong I am!

Stirring up controversy here in Toronto,
Russ

No Excuses After You Read This

For years, I have been an avid reader of the Reader's Digest. Each month there are at least one or two stories that are particularly inspiring, motivating or just plain heart warming. Just when I thought I have heard about or read almost everything imaginable, along comes another story that absolutely blew me away. I simply had to share it with you.

The article is called, "Sarah's Labour of Love" (note the Canadian spelling!) and was first published in the Los Angeles Times on August 19, 2001. Prize winning writer, Bill Plaschke follows up on a coincidental email and goes on to uncover a life story so incredible as to leave NO MORE EXCUSES.

One of the most striking lines in the piece is where Bill is describing an email from Sarah Morris. In it she asks, "How did you become a baseball editorialist? That is my deam."

Bill's first thought was that Sarah was just a lousy typist. Or maybe she was really searching for something and was only one letter away from finding it.

WOW!!! What a coincidence. First of all, to have misspelled that particular word... and then for Bill to articulate it in such a magnificent way that hits home for so many of us. How often do you feel that you are 'only one letter away' from finding your dReam?

This is a MUST READ - PLEASE CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL STORY. While you are there, be sure to check out the other links on Sarah's site for other delightful surprises and insights into this incredible woman's life.

May this story bless and enrich your life as much as it has mine.

All the best from Toronto,
Russ Hamel

It's Goodbye...But Only For Two Weeks!

This morning, Lesley, Katie and I are off on vacation to Egypt for two weeks!

Because of the situation we were in with Connor over the last few years...we were only ever able to take Katie away for a single week at a time.

So...this time we're making up for it!

What that means is that, although I may be checking my email once in a while whilst I am away...it's unlikely that I will post any entries on this blog whilst I am away.

After all...what's the point in having a vacation if you're going to work whilst you're there, right? :-)

So...have a great couple of weeks...and I'll see you again before September comes around!

What Will I Say for a Whole Year?

If you caught my commentary to Gary's post of August 11, you'll know that I threw down the gauntlet... well, at least I gave MYSELF a fairly decent challenge. The question now is, what will I SAY for a whole year?

Who... ME WORRY?

Not a chance, really. I'm sort of like the quiet guy you meet at the party who, once you get him talking, you can't shut him up. Actually, I'm fairly comfortable in this environment and I'm confident that I'll have some pretty interesting and useful things to share.

But since you ask... what WILL I find to talk about over a period of a year? Gosh, that's 365 DAYS, you know!!! What if I get writer's block or something?

Well, it's hard for me to even conceive that the people posting and reading these logs would ever run out of interesting and useful things to share. Most of us have a book or two, plus a tape program or two going each and every day. We're soaking up information like a sponge and in order to soak up even more, sometimes we just have to wring ourselves out.

"But what if we've already heard it before?" you say. I'll bet you haven't heard Dr. Stephen Covey, Mike Dooley, Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, etc. as told through the experiences and perceptions of Russ Hamel.

As well, we haven't heard YOUR smorgasbord of influences as only YOU can relate, either. Who knows; MAYBE IT'S YOUR STORY THAT UNLOCKS THE UNIVERSE FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

Was that another challenge?

Sure it was! You don't think I want to do this 'Year Thing' all by myself, do you? :)

So, mark this date down... Wednesday, August 13, 2003. This is day #1 of 365.

All the best from Toronto,
Russ Hamel

I Think I Can...And I DID!

It's now Wednesday...

We have sold our house...and are buying a new one...despite only having our house on the market since Friday!

Today has been one of those days where any number of seemingly insurmountable obstacles were thrown in our path...yet, after a lot of concentrated and focused effort on our part ensured that everything fell into place.

All this...and we're going on vacation for two weeks at 9am tomorrow!

It's amazing how much you can achieve if you really accept that you CAN!

For example...I managed to get a meeting with a mortgage advisor at NO notice, which in this country is unheard of!

Then...I managed to get the right people 'working' for me at my bank...and they processed everything in double-quick time so that we would be able to fulfill the sellers requirements before he would take his house off of the market.

It would have been easy to give up and accept that things 'wouldn't happen'...but, believe me...you CAN if you THINK you can!

But only if you match it with focused and calm effort!

The Game of Moving

Today I have been in negotiations on selling my house...and buying a new one.

It's just a good job that I look at this as a 'game' instead of something to get really stressful about!

We have one whole day left until we go on vacation...and I am working on getting everything into place before we go.

Not bad considering we only put out house on the market Friday...saw one we liked on Sunday...and now it's Tuesday and things are almost there!

Who says that the universe doesn't move for you when you are working with it rather than 'against' it!

In the end...it all comes down to money...how much to sell for...how much to buy for.

But...to me, it's irrelevant in a way because ultimately I will do whatever it takes to have the 'new' house and lifestyle that will accompany our move.

Even so...it's good practice being in the middle of negotiations...and seeing how far I can have an influence on their outcome!

I know that I have control of my own situation...and that's all that matters. Ultimately it's up to me how far I am willing to go to make things happen.

And however far that is...I will make things happen!

Life's A Beach...And Some Fireworks!

Yesterday...

I'm proud to say that I took the day off.

I went down to the coast to my in-laws to surprise Lesley and Katie...who were staying for the weekend and didn't know that I was coming.

All-in-all in sweltering heat...and a combination of walking, a bus, and train...and almost 3 hours of effort I made it!

Then after a cool drink it was down to the seafront at 6pm to watch the summer parade...and then spend a couple of hours on the seafront and in the sea with Katie.

As we watched the sun go down it made me realize how grateful I am to be able to spend such nice, wonderful moments like we did...just splashing around in the sea during this record-breaking heatwave that we are having.

Finally...it was amazing to watch a fireworks display at 10pm whilst laying on the beach in my swimshorts! (This must be the first and last time it would be warm enough here in the UK to do that!)

Twenty four hours later and I'm back typing this...and feeling good and at peace with the world in return for a $25 train fare...and a couple of hours effort.

Life isn't about how much you earn, what job title you have, or the size of your house.

It's about the things that money CAN'T buy...that don't cost you a single penny to experience!

That's what life is ALL about!

Are You Your Own Best Friend?

Here in London today...temperatures reached 97 degrees.

And...things started to go wrong!

Railway tracks melted...pipes burst...and my cable internet connection has been down all afternoon for the second day running!

You would think that these big utility companies would have a contingency plan for weather like this!

But...considering that most PEOPLE don't have anything to 'fall back on'...what else would you expect?

Do you have anything?

I'm not necessarily talking about a financial 'nest egg'...I'm more concerned with your 'support network'.

You know...your family and friends.

And, perhaps most importantly...YOURSELF!

Are YOU your own best friend? No? Well...you SHOULD be!

How could you expect other people to support you if you don't support yourself?

When things go wrong (as they invariably do)...are you quicker to beat yourself up about...than actually making the effort to make sure that you can learn from the experience?

After all...

Unless you are on your own 'side'...how do you even expect to be able to be in the 'game'?

The Daddy Day Care Challenge

Doing the fatherly thing in the school holidays...I took katie to see "Daddy Day Care" at the cinema this afternoom.

Although not one of the best movies I've seen...it's certainly great fun if you have kids are can associate with a few of the situations.

But...what I REALLY got from this movie was the message.

Without telling you the story...in the film advertising exec. Eddie Murphy is asked a question about some market research..."What is the important VALUE that we have from this..."

Seeing a picture drawn by his 4-year-old son...he hesitates...then says "My Son. He's the most important value to me."

I couldn't have said it better myself!

It's at that precise moment in time he realizes that it isn't money or a career that really makes him happy. Get the hint? :-)

Because this film is rather 'cheesy'...this fantastic bit of advice will go over 99.99% of viewers' heads...which, well, says a lot about why most people spend a life unfulfiiled.

And...up until about five years ago...it would have gone straight over MY head!

So...you're really ahead of the game!

What are YOU going to do about it?

No...I'm Not Trying To Trip Her Up!

"Dad. Daaad. Can you play badminton with me?"

There she goes again. Seven years old...and already she knows that with one sentence she can make me feel both annoyed and guilty at the same time!

My daughter Katie is an expert at getting what she wants...WHEN she wants.

It's now 6:48pm...and she knows that I am supposed to finish work at 7pm.

So...I'm annoyed with myself for the sake of ten minutes (because I have to do this)...and I feel guilty that I shouldn't really have ANY excuse NOT to play with her!

But...giving Katie EVERYTHING she wants (which is easy to do since she lost her little brother who was the light of her life)...doesn't do her ANY favors whatsoever.

The only way that I (now) KNOW that she will develop into the sort of woman that Lesley and I hope...is by finding out for herself how to rise to the challenges that are presented to her.

If I put her into a little 'protective cocoon' by not letting her fail...and by giving her whatever she wants...she will soon grow up unprepared for 'LIFE'.

The ONLY way we can find out what is good...is by knowing what is 'bad'.

If Katie never has the 'opportunity' to fail (and, if you think about it every 'failure' IS an opportunity to learn)...then when she is out in the big wide world herself...she will be ill-equipped for what life is REALLY like.

I know I know...we ALL want what's best for our children...but by preparing them to cope with the challenges of perceived failure...we are doing them more good than we could ever possibly imagine.

What Not To Do

Picked this up in a Sydney paper today, quoting from The Guardian (as if there were not enough stupid/crazy things happening in Sydney!)

According to The Guardian, a man recently went into a police station to report his mobile stolen, only to have it ring.
Here's a tip: attempted phone insurance fraud has a better chance of success if you remember to turn off your phone.

It Took Nearly Five Years...But Now I've Done It!

At last!

As I am now into my third consecutive weekend of finally getting those annoying things done that I have left for too long...I've had a breakthrough.

Finally...just 10 days short of five years after moving in...we painted the front of our house!

It's been one of those mind-draining "must-do's" for at least the last three years every time that I have walked through my front gate.

The seven hours it took will be paid back hundreds of times over because I will be able to fill up that mental space with something much more productive!

Believe...this 'clearing the clutter' stuff REALLY works!

Now...I'm a naturally positive guy...but I am finding new inspiration from the achivements I have made over these last three weekends.

Within the next few weeks...there will be nothing that 'needs doing'.

Instead Lesley and I can start looking at what we would like DONE.

Plus...it means that I get moaned at less often! lol

So...what about YOU...have you started any of those jobs yet?

You've known about my 'weekend de-cluttering' policy for three weeks now...so, come on, what HAVE you done yet?

Group A or Group B - Your Choice

If you’re reading this, then you are probably at a major crossroads in your life, looking for ways to improve your future. The decisions you’ve made over the past years (and I believe a Higher Power) have brought you here. I’ve put together some thoughts below that I respectfully submit to clarify some of the fundamental issues of life that will require your earnest attention if you truly desire greater success. Please try to keep an open mind as we move ahead.

Consider this question for a moment. Some people could sell you cheap costume jewelry, get an enormous price for it, and leave you a happy customer. Other people couldn’t sell you the Hope Diamond for the price of a cubic zirconium, let alone leave you feeling good about it. Let’s call the first group of people who sell the costume jewelry “Group A”, and let’s call the second group who can’t sell the Hope Diamond “Group B”. I think we would all agree that the truly successful people in life, no matter what their occupation, belong to Group A. So what are the differences in those two groups of people? Here they are:

1. Group A has a true passion and belief in the beauty and value of themselves and what they’re selling, and Group B does not;
2. Group A has a true passion and belief that they can, and will, benefit others through their efforts, while Group B does not;
3. Because of their unfailing passion and belief, Group A persists in their efforts, and Group B does not; and
4. Group A has learned the communication skills to share those passions and beliefs effectively, and Group B has not.

Now what do both groups have in common? (Let’s assume that both groups have normal emotional and intellectual capacities.)

1. They are both born with the ability to have true passion and belief in beauty and value;
2. They are both born with the ability to have true passion and belief that they can, and will, benefit others through their efforts;
3. They are both born with the ability to persist in pursuing their true passion and belief; and
4. They are both born with the ability to learn effective communication skills.

Why then, is there a Group A and Group B in the first place, since they both have the same capabilities from birth? And if we all agree that Group A is happier, more productive, and wealthier, then why doesn’t Group B simply join Group A?

There are two basic reasons:

1. Group B has self imposed limitations in their thinking that prevent them from believing the simple truth that they can join Group A if they really want to. Now, if you’re a Group B person, you will attribute Group A’s success to: luck; natural ability; a “gift”' finding “the right” opportunity; knowing the right people; being born in the right neighborhood; getting all “the breaks”; or some other excuse. That is why people stay in Group B. They don’t take responsibility for developing the passion, belief and skills to join Group A. Instead, they make excuses, and defend their self imposed limitations as if they were truth; and
2. While this truth is simple, making the move from Group B to Group A isn’t necessarily easy. It requires a dedication that begins with overcoming those self imposed limitations. We’re prone to become discouraged and slide back into Group B, to become complacent, and ultimately to start rationalizing our retreat to mediocrity. Those disappointments become like rubber bands pulling us back from our potential.

Now, I admit that I’ve oversimplified things a bit. We certainly don’t want to stereotype people as Group A or Group B. Groups A and B are really two conflicting sets of values, beliefs and actions that exist in us all. It’s actually more a question of whether Group A or Group B is dominant. How do you know if Group B is dominating in your life? There are two basic areas to consider:

1. The most obvious and measurable test is your checkbook – are you happy with your finances?; and
2. How happy are you with your life in general – your social/family life, your spiritual/emotional life, your intellectual life, your physical condition?

If you're not content in either or both of these areas, then you definitely are at a crossroads RIGHT NOW. First, admit that the reasons for your discontent are primarily the result of your thinking up until now. YOU MUST recognize and take FULL responsibility for that Group B part of you.

Next, find and develop a goal, a purpose, a passion and belief that is bigger than you are, and stronger than any disappointments, fears or doubts. Make that rubber band pull you in the Group A direction. Having a Higher Power is essential here, even if it's just finding more successful associates of like mind for support and encouragement. Prayer and/or meditation daily will empower you as well.

Also, don't "hide your light under a bushel". Search out ways to actualize - to live - your new passion and belief. Make it your daily mission, and journal your progress in this one area until you start seeing victories that you can glory in! At the same time, give yourself a break (not an excuse) when you slip. After all, you're human, and you're seeking progress rather than perfection.

And finally, realize that true contentment comes from achieving that progress, not from reaching some "point" in life. Like a mountain climber, learn the exhiliration of reaching a "peak", but then go look for the next one. Sure, this means you'll have your "highs and lows", you'll take your risks, but would you trade in your "highs" in order to escape the "lows"? Of COURSE NOT! That is the essence of living. Cut off the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, and all you have left in the middle is the "quiet desperation" of a near lifeless existence in Group B.

Blessings to All,

Craig Lunde
clunde@adelphia.net
http://www.smashthemold.com

Are You Too Damn Close To The Landscape To See The Entire View?

I've spent the best part of the day installing my new wireless network at home.

The idea behind it is that I can work and surf the 'net out in the back garden if I fancy it...and Katie can learn stuff whenever (and wherever) she wants to without getting in my way!

But...guess what?

Instead of taking the expected 15 minutes ot so...it took about four hours!

Isn't it always the way when you follow instructions to install ANYTHING on a computer...they always forget to tell you do something?

I only found out what the 'missing' link when I visited the company's support web site...and trawled through answers to questions that I didn't understand!

Now...I'm certainly no techie-virgin...and it was one huge struggle for me to finally get it to work...so imagine what it would have been like for a 'normal' consumer!

It can be so frustrating sometimes!

It got me thinking that we are ALL like that instruction booklet...

We assume that we if we just follow instructions...magic will happen...and big changes will happen in our lives!

It's just a shame that out little human instruction book forgets to mention that there will ALWAYS be something that you need to do...when you don't realize that you need to do it.

It may be obvious to people on the outside looking in...but usually you are just too damn close to your landscape that you can't see the entire view.

With that in mind...try and connect with people who will help you reveal that big picture.

And...don't assume that YOU know it all!

And Let That Be A Lesson To You!

Today was a 'fun' day...

I managed to leave our spare key in the lock on the inside of the house...so we were unable to get it for a few hours!

It's amazing how a seemingly unconnected series of events led up to that very moment when I realized that I had locked us out!

- If it wasn't for Katie leaving the key in the lock on the outside the day before.
- If it wasn't for Lesley finding the key and putting it in a different place.
- If it wasn't for Lesley already unlocking the door to put the rubbish out at 7:30 this morning.
- If it wasn't for the door bell ringing at 8 a.m. with some mail I had to sign for.
- If it wasn't for me not finding the key that I had to use the spare.
- If it wasn't for me realizing that the door was unlocked as I turned the key...that I left it in there!
- If it wasn't for me deciding that I would go with Lesley to take Katie to school.
- If it wasn't for Lesley and I have a minor argument that made me rush out of the front door without checking.

And...

- If it wasn't for the fact that last time it happened we decided to keep a back-door key on our key-chain just in case.
- If it wasn't for the fact that we always leave the key in the back-door every day anyway! (so we couldn't get in that way!)

Yet...as Lesley said (repeatedly!) it was all my fault!

But...

- If it wasn't for the kind old man who lives opposite lending us his ladder.
- If it wasn't for this man to suggest that we put our hands through the small window to open the big window.

That we got back in!

All-in-all...things could have been a lot worse...and I could have been a locksmith's fees worse off!

But I wasn't.

So...we now are making sure that we take a key from our patio door...that we don't always leave a key in!

Who said that you can't (eventually) learn from things that happen to you...even if it does take TWO attempts to remind you!

And...if we ever get locked out and can't easily get back in again...then it IS my fault!

Money Can't Buy You Love

This is my first entry for two days.

Why?

Well...I have been spending a lot of time recently focusing on what matters in my life.

Remember...as the old Beatles song goes 'Money can't buy me love'!

So...I spent the weekend focusing on doing husbandly, fatherly...and man-about-the-house-ly things instead of working.

In fact...I was so tired from doing some hard physical (instead of mental) labor...that the last thing I wanted to do was 'work'.

Do YOU take a complete break now and again?

Don't get the chance?

Well...it may seem like it...but if you really site down and think about what you should be spending time on...then I am sure that somehow you will be able to make time for doing...well...not much really.

Just because everyone else is running around at one hundred miles an hour doesn't mean that it is the best thing for YOU to do.

Life's too short to run through it without stopping occasionally to really take a look at it.

So...why don't you try it next weekend?

I know that I will.

Did YOU Move Closer To Where You Want To Go Today?

Today has been a day of total commitment...and NO work!

Today I spent literally ten hours 'on the go'...finally doing some of those manual tasks around the house that have been left for too long (some...even years!)

I bet you have some of those, too, don't you?

I've been meaning for a very long time to finally rid my thoughts (and my life) of those little tasks that constantly nag away at me every weekend.

So...it's been a day of putting up shelves, filling holes, clearing out old books, fixing broken curtain poles...and I even had time to cut my lawn!

All in all...it has been a VERY tiring...but nevertheless rewarding day.

And...I've got plans to do the rest of those little tasks (some are seven years old...since we moved to this house!)...next weekend.

I feel a million times better for actually doing them...and I know that I can fill the space in my mind with more constructive things instead...which, to me...is probably as important!

Also...an excellent by-product of doing all this stuff is that I know that it is clearing the way for me to use my weekend time more productively in the future!

So...what did you do today?

And...did it move YOU to where YOU want to go?

Accountability BUILDS Self-Esteem

Is she Lazy?

A liar?

Or both?

Rather harsh thoughts from someone who fancies himself as a "builder" of self-esteem. However, there ARE times when the carrot ceases to work. Then it's time to bring out the stick. And 8-year-old Tammy (not her real name) has me grasping for a baseball bat!

They say that a dog knows the difference between being kicked and being tripped over. Well, this teacher of 31 years knows the difference between a student who "doesn't get it" and a student who is simply slacking off.

After 5 weeks of drilling the same song, Tammy still can't find the first note on her own. CORRECTION: Tammy can do it... apparently; she has made up her mind that she WILL NOT DO IT.

FINE! Patiently, I try running the drill.... AGAIN!

Me: "What's the name of the first note?" (I demand that my students THINK for themselves)

Tammy: (without any sign of effort) "I don't know."

Me: "Is it a line note or a space note?"

Tammy: (rolling her eyes, mumbles) "Line"

it's a space note

Me: (persistent as always) "It's a space note. Which space is it in?"

Tammy: (huge sigh, clearly she wants no part of this) "I don't know."

Me: (quietly but unmistakably firm) "Tammy, turn around and look at me. Your assignment book says that you practiced 5 days for 30 minutes each of those days. (my students are required to keep a practice log and have it signed by their parents before each class) This is your fifth week on the same song. Not only can't you play it, but also now you are not even trying. Worse, you are showing me a very poor attitude. This behavior is not acceptable. I'll be calling your parents later this evening." (I never see her parents after class. They drop Tammy off in front of the building and pick her up 30 minutes after her class is done.)

I should end the class and send Tammy out of the room. That's exactly what she wants but not necessarily what she needs right now. So we continue to drill for the remaining 20 minutes, but as you can imagine, the atmosphere isn't exactly conducive to anything productive at this point.

Well, Tammy might not be able to play a note on the piano, but she certainly knows how to PLAY her parents. Before I have the chance to call Tammy's parents I am put into a position of having to defend myself!

According to Tammy's father, she is absolutely inconsolable since returning home from music class that night. Between deep sobs, she tells her parents of how I went completely crazy, yelling and screaming, berating and totally humiliating her. In an effort to manipulate me with guilt, the dad tries to blame me for destroying Tammy's fragile self-esteem.

I won't say that Tammy is spoiled. I will say she is quite the little salesperson as her parents buy the whole act. For them, this is the last straw, and they withdraw Tammy from my school.

Through parents of other students I learn that this is not a "premier performance" for Tammy. It is actually a regular scene that works for her whenever she doesn't feel like making the effort in school or any other extra-curricular activity.

In a follow-up letter to Tammy's parents, I state that I am deeply concerned for her development and well-being. I explain to them in detail how my program demands accountability from both the student and the parents. I advise them to allow Tammy to suffer the consequences of her actions (or lack thereof) and to stop running to her aid every time she whimpers. I strongly urge them to seek the advice of other family members and friends, and maybe some professional counseling if what I wrote makes sense.

I tell them the story of the hiker walking through the forest. On the trail, he finds a bird's egg that has fallen from a nest high above the ground. Upon closer inspection, he notices a tiny creature trying to break free from its shell.

The hiker's heart fills with compassion and he gently "helps" the baby bird by separating the shell. Within minutes, the young bird dies.

Later on that day, the hiker learns that his "help" is what kills the bird. You see, the bird needs that struggle to get out of the shell in order to build enough strength to survive. Without the resistance, the bird never develops and quickly dies.

To my surprise, the mom actually responded to my 7-page letter. She admitted that she really had no idea what Tammy had to practice, or if she actually practiced at all. She didn't know Tammy was doing so poorly nor had an attitude problem. She wrote, "Why didn't you tell me all this before?"

Mom, the weekly practice report which YOU SIGNED should have given you a small clue! You would have seen the same song assigned for 5 weeks in a row. You would have seen my suggestions on how to practice and comments on what specifically to pay attention to.

Thankfully, this 'worst-case' scenario is very rare. In all my 31+ years of teaching, I have probably encountered it no more than two or three times.

In a previous post you will know that I am all for parental support. In my experience, it is far more common for a parent to be critical with the child. However, in the above example, this is not a case of parental support. It is more of a case of TOTAL DEPENDENCY. Moreover, I honestly do not know of anyone building a strong self-esteem while remaining totally dependant on someone else.

Should this happen again, I will immediately call the parents in for a group discussion together with the child to explain my methods as well as my expectations. Close monitoring and communication will follow for the next several weeks. Full cooperation and improvement will be required for continuation in my program.

I mean, the money is nice and I do need to eat... but sometimes the aggravation is just not worth it.

What would you do? You may have a similar situation (not necessarily child related) with a subordinate, for example. Your comments and suggestions will be most welcomed!

Are You Focusing On Clouds...And Ignoring The Silver Linings?

I've been playing single dad all week as Lesley has been away looking at hotels in Cuba for my brother's travel company.

I realize that I miss her more than I thought that I would do when she was around...and annoying me last week! (ah!)

It's easy to take the important things in your life for granted.

Believe me...until you lose someone close to you...you don't realize how really, truly, lucky you are to have them in your life.

But...unfortunately that's us humans for you!

We're too busy complaining about what we haven't got instead of making the 100% absolute best we can with what we ALREADY have!

Wouldn't you agree?

I reckon that there are a lot of people that, even if they find a 'cloud with a silver lining'...they will just focus on the cloud!

Are YOU one of those people?

It's easy to be like that...if you blame other people for what you lack.

The reality is...it is only YOU who 'makes' your life.

YOU can take it for granted...and waste it complaining.

Or you take charge...and push yourself further than you ever felt possible.

It's up to you...it is ENTIRELY up to YOU!

You Must Try Harder!

Last year while attending a local music festival I overheard a parent telling his child, "You must try harder. Next year I want to see you win three trophies."

What made this especially difficult to take was the fact the girl had just won two first place trophies for both of the classes she entered. There were no words of congratulations or any show of pride on the man's part. As you can imagine, there wasn't much happiness showing on the young girl's face either.

Not surprisingly, the follow-up on that story is the girl is no longer taking music lessons. My guess is it's just one of many things she will try and quit in an effort to please her dad. Eventually, she will give up trying altogether.

One of my pet peeves is the parent who not only withholds praise from their child, but takes every opportunity to keep the pressure turned up to unbearable limits. The thinking goes something like this, "If I let him relax for even a second, he will slack off for the rest of his life."

A huge part of a teacher's job is to motivate and encourage the student; to give each person a sense of confidence that (s)he can accomplish the task at hand. Often I will work one-on-one with a child for 30-60 minutes to boost their skills as well as their self-esteem, only to have it totally destroyed within seconds after reviewing the child's work with the parent after class. "Oh, he is SO LAZY!", the mom exclaims in front of the child and everyone else in the waiting area.

Hey, mom! You just told your kid in front of the whole world that he is virtually worthless. And this is supposed to make the child want to work harder? And I suppose taking a sledge hammer to your computer will make it work better? Same mentality!

Children live up to their expectations. In order to get postive results, you have to give them some encouragement and positive praise. After all, they tend to believe anything that their primary authority figures (usually parents and teachers) tell them. "If mom says I'm lazy, it must be true! Why would she lie?"

"I'm going to do whatever I can to prove her right! THEN she'll be proud of me."

Too often, the only kind of attention a child gets from the parents is negative attention. And negative attention is better than NO ATTENTION. Trust me, this is exactly how a child thinks!

Occasionally, it may appear that a student needs a "rectum rocket" or two to get motivated. I've had cases where no amount of praise or encouragement on my part seems to work because the student realizes this condition is only temporary. As soon as (s)he steps out of my class and back into the "real world", the negative harping and criticizing starts up again. They are literally afraid to feel good and so they desensitize themselves to the pain they experience at home.

In such cases I will pull the parent aside and let them know how they can join the 'success team' that I am creating with the child. Fortunately, this works most of the time as parents are usually grateful for any advice they can get to help their children.

Trouble develops when all three parties are not on the same page, with the child getting most of the damage. "Mom says I'm lazy. Teacher says I've got great potential." Confused, the child gives up and stands back on the sidelines of life to watch the adults fight it out.

Of course, there are the parents whose children can do no wrong! This offers a different set of challenges. Stay tuned for the next installment.

Are You Turning Your Back On What's Important In Your Life?

I took Katie to the the park this afternoon and I noticed something that bothered me.

There was a little girl who couldn't have been three years who was just wandering around the playpark...climbing on things that she shouldn't...and almost getting knocked out by the kids on swings.

Her mother was reading a book...with her back to where all of the children were playing!

Now...my values may be different to yours...but even though Katie is now seven...I would NEVER take my eyes off of her when we are out.

Who knows what can happen in that split second when you look away?

It got me thinking that there are some people who treat life just the same.

- They turn their back on the opportunities that come their way because they are too 'hard'.
- They are more engrossed in reading novels instead of focusing on what's important in their lives.
- They are too busy thinking of themselves to worry about how they could help others.
- They complain how 'unlucky' they are because they are never in the right place at the right time.

Are you one of them?

Are you looking the wrong way to look out for what's really important?

If you are...you'd better change...as otherwise, who knows how your life can change in a split second.

Teach Me Something NEW!

It must be our human nature. I know I fall into this category. Every single one of my students falls into this category. And if you are reading this page, searching for THE ANSWER, then my friend, you fall into this category as well unless this is your introduction to positive thinking/motivation sites.

I can't tell you how many books I've read, tapes I've listened to, and seminars I've attended since I got hooked on self-help materials back in the early 70s.

You'd think by now I would have the answer. Well, I DO! You'd think by now my incredible quest would have ended. Not a chance. "I know that stuff already" I cry. "Teach me something NEW!"

In my music classes, I teach only one lesson. You get EVERYTHING I know on the first day you study with me. Then, even if you stay with me for 10 years, I simply become your coach; pushing, prodding, cajoling, encouraging, motivating you to DO THE THINGS I taught you on the first lesson.

No matter how difficult the song gets, it all boils down to the same basic skills to figure it out and play it.

Your life is like that, too. Again, unless this is your introduction to this sort of stuff (rather unlikely), then your search ends here. Stop saying, "Teach me something NEW" because you already know the answer(s) to your deepest, most perplexing problems.

Why not try APPLYING what you already know for a change. As Tony Robbins often says, "What a Concept!" :-)

At Its Simplest

Hi all, just thought I'd tell you about about a great program just shown on BBC television. Basically its a Monastary in Thailand that helps drug addicts without all the usual mumbo jumbo about 'it's not your fault etc' these guys have a 75 - 80% rehabilitation success rate.
One of the monks put success very simply and in terms which we could all understand.
'In life you can see both dark and light, sometimes people can see only the dark but others can see both. If you want to succeed always move toward the light even when the dark is the greater. In this way will you succeed in all you aspire to.'
To put this in perspective the usual rehabilitation rates are about 5% so these guys have definately got the right idea.

“You cannot teach a man anything.
You can only help him discover it within himself.”
Galileo

That's Why It's Called A Practice

That's Why It's Called A Practice
by Russ Hamel

One of my adult students recently passed her level six piano exam. During our discussion at her first class after the examination she commented, "Even though I passed, I still don't feel adequate to perform at this level."

Right away, the 'Life Skills' teacher in me kicked in. "Who would you rather have operating on you: a top intern fresh out of school, or a doctor with decades of experience on your condition?"

"Who would you rather have defending you: the #1 graduate, or the seasoned veteran with hundreds of case victories to her credit?"

In both instances, she chose the experienced professional over the top-of-the-class graduate.

"And do you know what both of these professionals call their work?" I asked. "That's right. Both of them are called PRACTICES! These people didn't get most of their expertise from the classroom. They got it through continued practice and application of what they learned and experienced."

Just last year, I was grooming another one of my top students to become a teacher. This young lady was known throughout my school as a dedicated worker and a high achiever. However, when it came time to arrange some students for her we had no success. Because of her young age (18) people did not want to study with her, even at a most attractive discounted price. Instead they were willing to pay full price for the older, more experienced teachers, even if they had to be put on a waiting list.

While it may take only a few years to acquire a document that says you can do something, it could take another decade or so to add value to that document. There is a huge difference between knowing ABOUT something and KNOWING something. True knowing comes only with years of practical experience. Given the choice of 'Book-smart' vs. 'Street-smart', many people will opt for the latter.

My adult student realized this and gained a deeper and greater appreciation for the many wonderful and talented concert artists and performers of the world who have given 30-40 years or more to their craft.

And I guess this is also why graduation ceremonies are called "Commencement Exercises". That little rolled up document is only the beginning.

Are You Just Plain Lying To Yourself?

Today...I've done something that I have only done once in the last year.

And that time was last week!

I cooked dinner (fanfare!)

Now...for a man like myself that is no mean achievement!

Me and kitchens don't mix! I have never had the inclination...nor the need to actually cook anything much before.

Sure...I have cooked many 'prepared' meals (thank God for the microwave!)...but I don't really 'do' proper meals.

But...I did a dinner for my tenth anniversary last week...and I realized that it wasn't that difficult.

What made it difficult was the way that I thought about it!

I purposely made myself get worried about how I would do this...how I would time that etc etc etc.

But...once I did it once without any problems (and some success, I might add!)...I realized that my mind was positioning me to fail when it fact it was probably easier for me to succeed!

And...that's the problem with most things that we are not too sure about.

We make it difficult for ourselves because we are just plain LYING to ourselves because, because, because...

So...next time that you know that you can't do something...just give some consideration to the fact that you probably just THINK that you WON'T!

Don't Change Your Job

Don't Change Your Job... Just Change Your Job Description
by Russ Hamel

Don't change your job, unless you're really in the wrong place. Instead, do what I did about six years ago. I changed my job description and I can't begin tell you what a change that has made in my life!

You see, I never consciously chose my career. When I was a kid I didn't say, "When I grow up, I want to be a ____" I did pretty much what I saw other people around me doing. I got up; ran the daily routine; went to bed. The next day I repeated the process. CHOICES? It never occured to me when I was growing up that there were choices! Life sort of just happened... well, didn't it?

However, when it came time to graduate from high school, I found out that I had to make some kind of decision about what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I honestly had no clue! So with the help of the guidance department it was determined that since my main talent (ok, my ONLY talent) at the time was in music, I would pursue a career in that field.

I was advised to go for a degree in teaching because, "You could ALWAYS fall back on that!" And that's how I became a 'music' teacher.

I can count at least five times that I actually attempted to change careers since I began teaching in 1972. Those were the MAJOR attempts. I'm not going to count the hundreds of times I wanted to pack it all in, because everyone has to deal with those kind of days. Reluctantly, I would come back to teaching music. It seemed to be my only talent. And I never saw myself as having any choice!

Heck, to this day I'm still not that passionate about music. I don't even listen to the radio at home!

You want to see passion? Talk to me about my cat!

Or my computer!

Or my favorite sports teams!

OR

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT!

For years, I've been soaking up self-help, psychology and philosophy material like a dry, thirsty sponge. And in my 'music' classes I found myself telling the students more about how a particular challenge related to their personal lives. The more personal I got, the more passionate I became about my work.

Then one day, about six years ago I consciously made a choice! I was no longer a 'music' teacher. From that day, I became a teacher of life skills. see ITeachLifeSkills.com

I tell people now that I could be flipping hamburgers at McDonalds and I would still be teaching life skills. That's really who I am. That's what I do!

To me, there is no greater satisfaction in the world than to have one of my former students come up to me and say, "I remember what you said about such-and-such and this is how it helped me." And during that entire conversation, not ONE WORD is spoken about 'music'!

Music is just something I was good at as a kid. Personal development is my true passion. Now I simply use my natural talents in music as a platform to teach the more important things in life.

If you are like me and fell into a career because of a certain set of skills, you don't have to throw those talents away. Don't change your job... just change your job description!

Do you have a Vision?

Vision is the beginning of all and the ultimate purpose to achieve in life.

Every human being has come to this earth because it has something good to give and something to receive. The law of action and reaction, Cause and effect guides our present and future.

All of us have come with qualities unique to us which, if we properly understand will make us successful. We become successful because we have something good to give, something that will not only provide us with wealth but also make us happy.

Unfortunately most of us never find out our best qualities. We take life as it comes never thinking of what to do to be happy. We finish high school, go to a college or get the first job we find, during our studies we fail a course and we change our major for something that does not need too much hassle. We get a blue collar job that we hate and always feel bored, frustrated, and unhappy.

The wrong influences of our surrounding make us acquire the qualities of hate, jealousy, envy, greed, destruction and so many more. This now becomes without even knowing it our purpose.

I ask you. Is it possible for someone with this mentality, without knowing his gifts, without a purpose and a vision to reach anywhere?

The man that has no vision, can not reach anywhere.

My friends,
You must first find out what you can do, and then, find oud out what you should have done. When you do that create your Vision and ACT.

Search deep into your soul, that which makes you happy, that which you desire. What are your inclinations and what is that you are doing better than anything else? Doing something you don’t like it’s a waste of time. Doing something that you love it’s a pleasure even if you get tired.

My friends,
Do you want to find out more of what you have to do to find your happiness? to reach your vision? to acquire the qualities you need to have or develop for success?

Give me your comments.

agabriel@cytanet.com.cy

Out of the Mouth...

Maybe I'm too demanding! I mean, making my students THINK... what's up with that?

So, we're sitting in class one day going over the same piece we've had for several weeks and she still isn't getting it. The easy thing would be to show her how to do it by rote and get the song good enough to pass.

But 31 years of teaching experience tells me that the short way is the long way, and the long way is really the short way.

She sighs, rolls her eyes and then braces herself for the inevitable questions. I ask A LOT of questions.

"What's the name of the note?"
"What finger should you use?"
"Where is it on the keys?"
"How long do you hold that note?"

And that's just one note! We've got some serious work to plough through here.

But we persist and plod on. Finally, we get across the first line... enough notes to string a little melody together. Then the FUN starts. Together, we attempt to play the entire line while reading the music OUT LOUD saying both the notes and the finger numbers. It's what I call 'mental weight lifting'; better known as resistance training, because most of the students I know vehemently RESIST doing this drill.

She is no different. She struggles mightily from her piano while I try to pull her through the line from my piano. Suddenly, in frustration she looks at me and cries out, "The reason why YOU'RE so good at this is 'cuz you do it ALL THE TIME!"

That was SUPPOSED to be my cue to let her off the hook! After all, how could I expect her to be as good as me?

But as soon as those words come out of her mouth, she KNOWS I have her right where I want her. In fact, I want to hug her for those words of wisdom!

"Did you hear what you just said?" I excitedly ask her. At only 8 years old, she has figured out what most people take a lifetime to comprehend. Imagine that... the reason I am so good at something is simply because I do it all the time!

"What if YOU do it ALL THE TIME?" (I told you I ask a lot of questions)

Eventually, she became a strong and independent reader, able to figure out some pretty complex pieces on her own.

Did she learn a valuable music lesson that day? Maybe. However, the truth is that the vast majority of my music students will go on to careers having nothing to do with music. That's why I emphasise the lesson behind the lesson... the Life Skills.

As a life skill, there is no question she learned something important that she can apply to any area for the rest of her life. She learned that doing SOMETHING yields better results than doing NOTHING. She also learned that the MORE she does something, the better and easier it gets.

Where do you need to improve? What if you do something about it just a little more today? Gosh, what if you do it ALL THE TIME?

Heck, you might even get to be as good as me.

Life Is Like Swimming In A River...

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

This a line from my song for Connor - "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon...and, funnily enough, it was quoted in a book that I was reading today.

To me...these words are perhaps some of the most true words ever written.

Here's why...

Too many people are either looking back or planning forward that they forget that the most important place to focus on is NOW!

Your life is evolving around you...even as you read this. The world is moving forward...millions of people are going from A to B...and millions are going back again.

Your clock is ticking...yet you are paralysing your own momentum because of what you are focusing on!

Life is like swimming in a river.

No matter how hard you try...you will never be able to swim forever against the current.

Yet...as soon as you turn to swim with it...you are suddenly propelled faster than you ever have before.

And...that is EXACTLY what is happening to you!

You are fighting against the current if you are too busy thinking, planning, debating, wondering, complaining, worrying...and not ACTING!

So...stop what you are doing...and start doing something else right now!

Don't Tell Yourself Why You Can't...Ask Yourself "Why Not"!

We took Katie away for the weekend to a place called "Cadbury World"...which is basically a mini-Disneyworld for chocoholics!

The thing was, though...at 11 am on Saturday, Lesley came up with the idea...and by midday...we were in our car, and on our way for the three-hour journey to the hotel that we were staying in overnight!

In the five minutes that we discussed it...we soon got the 'why nots' out of the way.

We booked a hotel on the Internet...and we were away for the weekend!

It would have been easier to just stay at home and think of some reasons why we couldn't suddenly just 'pack-up' and go...but we just asked ourselves 'Why not?'.

It got me thinking that I tend to be like that with most things now...in business as well as at home.

Instead of telling yourself why you can't...ASK yourself "Why Not?"

It will certainly surprise you once you start asking that question because you'll start to realize that you are putting artificial limits on what you can physically do...just because you kid yourself that it's not possible.

Try it...and see what happens!

The Legacy Of The Bravest Little Boy In The World

Today would have been Connor's 5th birthday.

Instead of having a big party and a bouncy inflatable castle to celebrate...Lesley and I spent a couple of hours where his ashes were scattered in the 'Garden of Tranquility' at the Demelza House Children's Hospice.

He always seemed to love going there...and because of what they are...they had a special place just for him.

It's a very sad day in the Vurnum household...but at the same time I feel so very proud of a little boy who couldn't talk or sit or walk...yet had a profound effect on everyone that he met.

Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself...I remind myself how lucky I was to have been the father of such a wonderful, strong, little boy...who bravely fought everything that the world could throw at him.

Despite the many terrible experiences that we shared with Connor, it's his smile and his silent laugh as you tickled him that are the strongest memories for us.

Whatever I may be blessed with in the future...I know not to take it for granted.

And neither should you.

You can chase all the prestige or money in the world...but it will never replace the people that are important to you...nor the incredible effect that your relationships with them can have on you.

So...don't take what you have for granted...however poor or little you may think it is.

After all...there are a LOT of people who are certainly more worse off than you...and they are still grateful for what they HAVE got...instead of complaining about what they HAVEN'T.

And so should you.

Why You Should Never Neglect What's Important

Whew...

Back from a week's vacation on the lovely windy Mediterranean island of Cyprus...which we only booked 36 hours before we actually went!

Why?

Well...after recent events, both Lesley and myself have felt that we were becoming further apart.

Why?

Well...when you spend almost five years under extreme stress like we have...your relationship tends to go one of two ways.

You either split up because of the pressure...or it forces you together as you both deal with it.

Our experiences with Connor made us closer than we ever probably would have been.

But...

Now that he's gone...we no longer have that sort of stress around to push us together any more.

So...short-notice holiday to do some serious talking without interruptions about what we want, both from our lives, and each other.

True, it cost money to go away...but I am a firm believer in investing (or re-investing) for the future where my business is concerned...and my relationship with my wife and family shouldn't be any different.

It's (unfortunately) a fact that we often neglect the very things and people that make us happy because we take them for granted...but...this is not a mistake I intend to make after all we have been through together as a family.

It's the least I could do after everything my son did for me.

If You Are French...Don't Take This Personally!

Lesley and I took Katie to Disneyland in Paris for three days this week.

Katie (being seven years old) loved practically every minute of it - apart from some of the rides!

Now...me being me...was looking at how the whole thing worked.

I've been to the Orlando Disney World and its theme parks a couple of times...and I was interested to see how the newest European theme park lived up to my US experiences.

On one front I wasn't disappointed. The attention to detail (as with all Disney 'stuff') is absolutely first-class. From the rides to the places where you queue...everything is exactly as if you were transported into that particular 'land'.

But...for me, my experience was let down by the almost 'surly' expressions on the faces of the guides...and queue 'organisers'.

It was as if they were there just to do their job...and that was all.

Now...I know that this is what they were actually doing...but, as well as not comparing very well with my U.S. experiences, it just didn't quite fit in with the "all-singing, all-dancing" atmosphere that was in abundance around the rest of the park.

In short...it almost ruined the entire experience for me!

So...what's the lesson that YOU can learn from this?

Be congruent. That is...if outwardly you appear happy...yet inside you feel miserable...then you are going to get 'caught out'. Period.

If you're giving the impression that you are listening...but you're not really...then you are going to get caught out as well.

So...make sure that your actions are completely in line with your thoughts - especially when you deal with other people...otherwise their 'sixth-sense' will tell them that something isn't quite right...and you will put them at unease withourt even realizing it.

I know...I've felt that way for the last three days!

Are You A Human Being Or A Human 'Doing'?

I've spent a lot of time over the last couple of weeks working on my business.

But...I haven't spent as much time working on ME as I should have!

It's easy to fall into becoming a human 'doing' rather than a human 'being'.

I have been really involved on the 'output' of my business...instead of the 'input' of knowledge and learning about myself.

And...I'm beginning to feel the 'strain'! lol

I am an avid reader...but my reading time has been cut short by the call of the voice in my head saying

'You need to work..."

And I have done. Very hard!

Have you ever felt that you are just going non-stop without much of a break?

Well...I'm in need of a mental (and not physical) break!

I'm slowly learning that I need to 'create' in my mind as much as I physically need to create words, documents, files.

So...I am scheduling some 'learning' time into my work day in the future...time that I will use to read or listen to personal development stuff without feeling guilty that I should be working!

You, too, should try it...and even if it is only five minutes a day...it is essential that you fuel your mind as much as your body!

An Amazing Boy That Helped Shape Some Amazing Futures

It's difficult to remain focused when you are dwelling on something else.

Connor's funeral was on Tuesday, and, although it was an undoubtedly sad occassion...it also made me very proud.

My son...only four years and eight months old, and he couldn't speak or walk...yet he had an impact on everyone that he met.

It's sad from a selfish viewpoint that I will never, ever see him again...but at least he won't have to struggle any more.

It's almost as if he had achieved what he was put on this Earth to do...and now he can have a rest.

I'm doing what I really wanted to do.
Lesley has just begun a little part-time job.
Katie is thriving at school...and is so tolerant of people not as fortunate as herself.

And that's just us.

Many members of my close family have realized that there is more to life because of our experiences with Connor.

It humbles me when I think about how much a little special needs boy can change lives.

Now...for me...it is a difficult time. I don't have any benefits that we were entitled to to fall back on...and I've just bought the car that we were leasing (for free) because of Connor's disabilities.

But...wouldn't you agree that we are defined by how we react to these sorts of challenges?

The next two weeks is going to be a critical time for my online business. The next six months even more so!

But...isn't it going to be fun trying to make it work?

The Loss Of My Inspiration...And The Reason Why I Am Where I Am Today

On the 20th February 2003, my amazing, wonderful, and lovable son, Connor was lost to us all forever.

He passed away at 5:15 a.m. due to a chest infection, which, to be honest, took us all by surprise.

He was my inspiration for everything I do now online, and he made me change in so many ways in the short four years and eight months that he was around.

If it wasn't for him I would still be complaining about my nine-to-five job.
If it wasn't for him I would still be moaning about how 'unlucky' I was.
If it wasn't for him I would still be just an average 'occassionally there' parent.
If it wasn't for him I would still be so intolerant about so many things in this world.

He couldn't make a sound. Doctors were never convinced that he could hear.

But...boy! Did his smile and silent laugh light up the lives of everyone who had the pleasure to meet him.

I'm a lucky man. I had over four years of stress and worry...yet had the same amount of time just learning about life from a wonderful little "daddy's boy".

His funeral is tomorrow...and it still hasn't really sunk-in that I will never be able to tickle him, hug him, or just hold him upside down ever again.

It breaks my heart...but I know that he has made his mark on this world...and changed for the better so many lives of people who met and got to know him.

It was my honour to care for someone who totally changed my thinking about what is important in this world.

He could only communicate with a smile...yet he affected so many lives with his amazing cheerfulness despite all of his setbacks.

Connor James Vurnum will forever live in my heart as the person who has affected me more than any other person in my life.

He was my inspiration...and my special little boy.

Night, night, sweetheart. Daddy misses you so much...yet he knows that somehow, somewhere you are with him when he looks hard enough.

I will carry on my personal 'crusade' in your name...as I did when you were still with me. I promise that I won't let all your effort go to waste.

Sleep tight. xxxxx

It's Not How Much That's Important...But How Long?

"Time is the ultimate precious commodity"

It's the easiest mistake to make. You focus more on 'how much' instead of 'how long'.

What do I mean by that?

I mean that you focus on how much money something costs...rather than how much time it takes you.

So - you might baulk at paying $100 for an hour's coaching. But...what you don't realize is that the value you could get from 'short-circuiting' the success process of a top achiever would be worth much more than $100 to you in the long run.

It's something that I've spent a while trying to focus on recently (and I find it very hard! lol)

Delegation. That's the key!

Put it this way. I hate gardening and cutting my grass.

It could take me over an hour every couple of weeks just to mow my lawn. What more could I achieve in those hours that would take me closer to where I want to go?

Wouldn't it be better for me to pay a teenager $10 to cut my grass so that I can spend that hour listening to a tape of a top Internet marketer - the result of which I could make changes to my website that would certainly result in more than $10 of increased profits?

It's not an easy decision to make...after all...how do I know that I will get more than $10 back from the effort?

Well...wouldn't you work that little bit harder to make something happen if you knew that you were 'paying' for the privilege of focusing your energies?

I'll leave it up to you to decide if it's worth it!

Life Should Be An Experience...Not A Trauma

I've been to the funeral of one of Lesley's uncles today.

Although he had a full life until he died (he was 60) - it was a sad occasion.

But should it be?

Over the last year or so - I have opened my mind to a lot more of the 'spiritual' side of success. For someone who is not religious in the slightest - this is certainly a big jump forward for me.

I've come to realise that:

Life is for living...and not just getting by.
Life is about taking chances...and relying on your own potential to pull you through.
Life is about going the extra mile...and literally dragging yourself forward.

In short - life should be an experience...and not a trauma!

My aim is to try to find out as much as I can about ME - and how I can use MY potential to enhance my experiences.

What about you?

Are you looking at life as a stuggle...a chore...a stressful existence? Or are you looking at it as fun...a challenge...an exciting experience?

I've always said that life is too short to be miserable...and today's sad events had proved that to me even more.

We all 'go' one day...so why don't you make the most of enjoying the GOOD things about who you are...and who you can be?

Don't go your grave wishing that it all could have been different...it will be too late by then.

Lessons From An Annoyed, But Dutiful Husband...And Those Shops!

I realised something today.

I don't like shopping!

For years I have dutifully followed Lesley from clothes shop to clothes shop...and from changing room to changing room.

I always did so because I thought that I SHOULD...dutiful husband stuff and all that.

But...today I realised that I didn't have to do something if I didn't want to. It's not always an easy decision to make...believe me!

So - from today...

If I don't want to go shopping...I won't.
If I don't want to go over my in-laws for dinner...I won't.
If I don't want to watch some rubbish TV program...I won't.

Now - this may seem harsh - after all life IS about 'give and take'.

But...why should I do something that makes ME unhappy?

Trying to do something for 'appearances' sake is not a good enough excuse for me from now on, I'm afraid.

There are only so many hours in a day - so why waste them on something that you don't have to do!

One Hundred And Fifty Year Old Words Of Wisdom

I subscribe to literally hundreds of ezines...and today I happened to find this quote... (in a ezine about selling ad space of all things!)

"It's unwise to pay too much, but it's worse to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money -- that is all.

If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for the risk you run, and if you do that...you may as well pay for something better."
John Ruskin (1816-1900)

Fascinating, eh? It's even more unbelievable that these words of wisdom are probably over 150 years old!

It doesn't matter whether you are buying a newspaper, a house, or 'buying' into the latest success technique.

You get what you pay for.

If you go for the cheapest option then you'll more than likely end up 'unlucky'.

Commit to something only half-hearted - and you're guaranteed a half-hearted return on your 'investment'.

Remember...there are NEVER any short-cuts. The best route to success is NEVER the shortest...because the more you learn along the way - the more you'll be able to achieve further along the way!

If It Ain't Broke - Don't Fix It!

I made a discovery today.

I realise that I can use my time more efficiently if I concentrate!

It's not rocket science if it?

It's easy to 'kick back' when you shouldn't.
It's easy to put off something until it becomes urgent.
It's easy to work only to a level that is 'comfortable'.

But...I achieved a lot today because I made sure that I was distracted as little as possible. Simply, really!

Or is it?

I have a tendency to 'multi-task' when I write. I have music or even audio books or teleconferences going on in the background whilst I work.

Sometimes I find myself 'drifting' between the audio and MY output.

Yet...other times - the audio compliments what I am writing. You see...writing isn't all that difficult (if I can churn out something like this most days - I've proved it!)...and a lot of it comes down to inspiration.

Today I had some Baroque music in the background (with some subliminal commands that I recorded myself 'underneath' it). And...it helped my creativity and concentration.

But that's not always the case...I'll have some pop music going all day long...especially if I need some motivation!

So - really, it's 'horses for courses' where concentration is concerned.

So - if rock music works for you - it works for YOU! It's yet another one of those fallacies where success is concerned.

Remember - "If it ain't broke - don't fix it!"

Hey...You May Be A Cynic...But This Stuff Works!

As I mentioned a couple of days ago...I am 'practicing' positive thinking.

Over the last few months I have been taking on board a lot of stuff about how what you think about becomes real.

Something today went a little way towards that fact in my eyes.

Here's what happened...

Our washing machine 'dial' has broken off...and Lesley has to hold it back on every time she needs to turn to whatever program she needs to wash on.

The machine works fine apart from this very simple (but very annoying) task that needs doing every time.

So...usually this dial just lays around somewhere near the machine.

Over Christmas and the New Year washing clothes obviously takes a back seat...so it wasn't until this morning that Lesley wanted catch up.

The dial was missing! It was nowhere to be found...Lesley searched 'high and low' for it (even our dustbins) - and the doubts began to set in.

Perhaps it had been thrown away during a busy Christmas? Perhaps we'd better look at buying a new machine?

So...I did what any man would do...I went out to buy my newspaper! lol

But...on the way there and on the way back I said quietly to myself...

"Thank you for showing me where the washing machine dial is."

I returned and it still wasn't found. So...I thought that I might as well make a cup of tea in the meantime!

Well...whilst I was in the kitchen...I thought to look in a cupboard for myself...knowing full well that Lesley had already done so.

On the top shelf of one was a little plastic box without a lid where Katie's hair clips and bands are piled up. Without looking...I put my hand in and rummaged around a bit...and found the washing machine dial! And...within less than 30 seconds of walking through the front door!

How it got in there is a mystery...but how I found it isn't a mystery to ME.

You may think that it was just lucky...but I KNOW otherwise!

It's Experiences That Count...Not Money

Do you 'get out' and see as much of the world as you should do?

Spending the last two days with my extended family has made me realize that perhaps I am not actually experiencing life as much as I should do.

We spend days in front of a computer screen reading and writing about life...but most of us probably don't actually take much time out to actually live it!

I don't mean that you should be travelling the world...or joining a club.

What I mean is that every now and again you need to actually stop what we doing and just 'be!'

How can you do that?

Well...how about going for a walk instead of working through lunch? Or what about getting off the train a stop early and walk the rest of the way in? Or inviting friends around for dinner instead of sitting and watching the lastest soap?

Basically...do ANYTHING that gives you exposure to either people, places, or non-inanimate objects!

What we experience shapes our lives...so make sure that you make time to actually live it!

The Little Sod's Lesson In How To Deal With Stress

Yesterday was a very strange day!

Out of the house from 8:45 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. - and here's what happened...

Connor had a severe epileptic fit whilst at his special school...and we were at least one hour's drive away - looking at new houses!

Whilst we were calm 50 miles away, Connors (fully trained) nurse was panicking...getting stressed...and generally 'losing it'!

It's funny...despite knowing that Connor had actually stopped breathing (the ambulance team had to 'bag' him) - Lesley and I were very 'cool' about the whole thing.

You (and others) may think that we are 'cold hearted'...but we are not.
You may think that we don't care...we do.

But...we know Connor! lol

By the time we got back to our local hospital where he had been taken...his nurse was in a complete 'state', and Connor was smiling! lol

The 'little sod' as he is affectionately known in our house was given a 'telling off' by his mother for 'misbehaving' outside of his home. You see...Connor has pulled this 'stunt' on Lesley and I a few times...and, although it is a very stressful and worrying thing to deal with at the time...10 minutes later we are back to doing 'normal' things again!

Why?

Well...we are used to the odd 'panic stations' situation...and, well, there's no point in dwelling on things.

After all, how you deal with things such as problems and emergencies define who you are. Lesley and I are undoubtedly stronger characters because of it...and take these sort of things in our stride.

It just goes to show that, becuase of Connor's illness 'habit' - we are able to deal with emergencies more effectively...and without any undue extra stress. Because his school nurse had never experienced Connor doing one of his 'specials' - she found it a lot more difficult to deal with.

If nothing else - this 'story' goes to show that habits (either good or bad) define who and what you are.

What are yours....and what can you do to change them?

PS - After an overnight 'stay' for observation in hospital, Connor returned to school this lunchtime to 'perform' in his school nativity play - dressed in his shepard's outfit! lol

The Success Mindset Of Perpetually Successful People

Hitting thousands of tennis balls for all that applause is nothing compared to being able to change someone's life"

I heard that quote from the former child prodigy tennis player - Andrea Jaeger.

She now runs a 'ranch' in Aspen, Colorado...where children with cancer come and stay...and remember what it is like to be a proper child again. It was an amazing sight to see the laughter on those very ill children's faces.

Andrea Jaeger was part of a TV program called "After They Were Famous"...which basically showed what former 'celebrities' were doing now that they weren't famous any more.

And you know what surprised me? (OK - perhaps it didn't really surprise me!)

I would say that at least 80% of former 'famous' people that were shown were now as successful or rich (and if not, more so), than when they had been famous! - And in completely different careers!

So - it just goes to show that once you have a success 'mindset' - the world is your oyster - even if things don't seem to work out right the first time around!

If someone can go from being rich and famous to being poor...and then being rich again at something else - don't YOU think that YOU could stand a chance of making a sucess out of SOMETHING in your life?

All you need is a 'never say die' attitude...and you will be halfway there!

Float...Float On!

I had a 'visit' in a floatation tank this morning.

It's a very eerie experience - floating without effort in body-temperature salt-water in complete darkness.

It gave me some serious thinking time.

I am a firm believer in 'thinking your way to success' - but I very rarely set aside a time to actually 'do' it. This hour was one of those times.

I realised there in the dark that I was mentally holding myself back from fulfilling my potential...despite making huge strides online in less than a year.

Despite talking a good 'game' - I was not always 'in sync' with what I was thinking about. Sure...I am a positive person - but (as all us humans do) I always tend to find a negative angle on something - or an excuse why I was not doing that...or organizing this.

It was a revealing moment in my development.

But...now that I know - the hardest part is yet to come...I must ACT. And then continue to BELIEVE in my actions!

Sound familiar?

How many times have you KNOWN what you need to do - yet never quite got around to it?

Well...I am going to set myself a challenge...I WILL make sure that I BELIEVE in order for me to SUCCEED.

Care to join me?

Why The Fear Of Looking Stupid Is Holding You Back

I did the fatherly thing today...and took Katie to her school's Christmas fair.

I never cease to be amazed at how children can be excited by even the smallest things!

Just seeing her schoolfriends made her screech!
Just winning a 'naff' cuddly toy made her jump up and down!
Just having her face painted with an angel made her 'glow' all day long!

At what point did we lose the excitement and utter joy in life we had as six year olds?

Why shouldn't you have more fun?

Why shouldn't you get excited about getting a question right on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"?
Why shouldn't you jump up and down when you beat your kids at snap?
Why shouldn't you dance like an idiot to all those Christmas songs?

Well...what's stopping you?

The fear of looking stupid, I bet!

Who cares! So you may look stupid to them - but you're the one who is having all the fun, aren't you?

Come on! Life's too short not to be stupid once in a while!

Try it - you might find that you enjoy it more than you think! lol

Are YOU In Control Of Your Life...Or Is Somebody Else?

Lesley and I had to do some serious rushing about today...

And all because we couldn't say "No"!

Do you ever have that problem? You know - where you are put in a position where it's easier to say "yes"...even though you don't really want to - and just because you feel guilty or don't want to upset the other person?

We were put in that 'awful' situation at Connor's respite home this afternoon - and it meant that we had to (literally) charge back 50 miles in double-quick time to make sure that we weren't late for something else!

Ever been there?

Well...after today - I think that I have finally learned my lesson...

"I am the one who is in control of my life - so I should make my own decisions - and stick with them!"

Perhaps I should print out that statement out and paste it the wall above my PC screen to remind me in future!

It's not always easy. It's doesn't always make you feel good. But...if your inability to say "no" compromises something in your life (even your peace of mind) - then it is something that you should seriously consider working on in the future!

After today - I know that I am going to! lol

Why You Could Be Wishing For The Wrong Thing

It's true that you don't miss something until it's gone.

We are going away on vacation on Wednesday...and this afternoon we took Connor to the respite home where he will be staying whilst myself, Lesley and Katie are away.

It's impossible to take him with us because of all of his machinery...like oxygen tanks...and his other medical stuff - he really wouldn't enjoy the experience - and we wouldn't really be taking a vacation! lol

Connor benefits from the one-to-one attention he gets from the nursing and care staff at the respite home...Katie benefits from the one-to-one attention from her parents...and Lesley and I get a chance to have some sleep!

But...

This evening...the atmosphere in our house has changed.

- There's no constant humming sound of Connor's oxygen concentrator in our hall.
- There's no set times that things have to be done or medicine to be given.
- There's no worry about whether he looks ill or not.

As Katie just said - "I miss my brother already!"

And so do I, too.

Just last night a 2 a.m. I was cursing about how frustrating it is having a special needs child who spends most of the night awake. This evening I wish he were here.

Be careful what you wish for...because most of the time, if it comes true...you might find that you were wishing for the wrong thing!

Our challenges make us into the people we are...when they are taken away...a little bit of us is taken away, too.

Night, night Connor. xxx

That Lie That We Tell Ourselves...

Yesterday afternoon I paid a visit to Katie's school...because they were having what's called a "Sharing Assembly".

Her year spent 20 minutes or so showing what they have learned during the last term.

But that's not all that interested me about it.

Each child had to take a turn...and stand up with a microphone and say a prepared line or two about what their class had made and seen.

Standing up with a mic in front of about one hundred plus other kids and parents would be enough to scare most people I know...including me!

But...Katie and her classmates are only six years old!

We certainly never used to do anything like that when I was six! Don't you think that is a fantastic way to give the children confidence...at the same time as getting them used to standing up in front of so many people?

It made me think...

If my six-year-old daughter can stand up and be counted in front of all of those people - why can't I?

It just goes to show that we talk ourselves out of so many situations where we would otherwise undoubtedly benefit.

Certainly gives you some food for thought...doesn't it?

Why What You Think Is Important Isn't A Priority

Are you a workaholic?

Would you rather spend time at work than at home?

Do you go on vacation - yet take the entire week to relax?

I used to be all three...up until I realised that my life was for living as well as working!

Even now - if I give myself a 'day off' - I have to stop myself from feeling guilty...feeling guilty that I should be sitting at my desk in my home office.

It's all about your priorities.

Sometimes you don't realise how important your family is...until it's too late. Sometimes you don't realise how important it is to really have a break to re-charge your batteries...until it's too late.

So - give yourself the weekend off - do absolutely nothing if you want to - or perhaps better still - devote the time to playing with your kids...or visiting friends.

I spent eleven years in a job making myself 'indispensable' - yet, in the space of less than a month after Connor's birth - both myself and my bosses realised that I wasn't so essential after all.

I had wasted some of the best years of my life working beyond the call of duty - but I am sure that I would have still got to the position I had if I had worked an hour less every day.

When you leave in the mornings before your kids wake up...and return in the evening after they are in bed - then it's a fair sign that perhaps you are working too much!

Don't make the same mistakes I did - make time for YOU and your family.

Your job will always be there...they won't.

All The Money In The World Will Never Buy You A Smile, A Laugh, Or A Hug

After spending all day solely on 'fatherly' duties...it's made me realise how much joy you can get from those people who you so often take for granted.

Seeing the excitement on Katie's face as I was playing (and losing at!) snap with her made me smile inside.

It's funny how it's so easy to miss things like that when you think everything is 'wrong' with your life.

I also realised that if it wasn't for her brother's problems - I wouldn't see so much of her growing up.

And as for that brother of her's, Connor...

One day I will put a short video on my site of him laughing - which, even though it is silent - is probably THE best laugh I have ever seen!

You can't beat a really geniune laugh from someone you love, can you?

So - don't take those who you love for granted.

You can't buy a smile or a laugh or a hug...or, in fact anything, that genuinely can 'move' you the way that your close family can.

Ignore the strength of those who love you at your peril.

You may be able to 'make it' without them - but you certainly won't enjoy life without them there to share it all with you.

Do You Ask WHY? WHY Me? WHY Now?

"...and then fate played its hand"

In the last few years - I have become a firm believer that what we call fate plays a very large part in out lives.

Hold on. It's not what you think.

I believe that fate is something that you can bend and shape - depending on what...and who you are at the point in time that such a 'divine' event happens.

I've had to deal with a lot recently - mostly not all good...

But...

I can choose to accept that I have no control over my destiny or I can learn from what has happened - and look for 'clues' pointing the way for me.

Within the last week - my life - not only externally but also internally, has shifted off of the path that it has been on the last six months.

I am at a crossroads.

How I 'deal' with what I have been 'given' will determine what sort of person I am and will become.

The dealing with it is the difficult part.

How do YOU view those 'oh it just happened for no reason' moments in your life?

Do you (like me) ask WHY?

WHY me? WHY now?

I am at that stage this evening. Tommorrow the next issue of my ezine will be sent out.

It will be different to any I have sent before.

It will be different for one reason only. It's down to fate.

Life isn't about business...about money...about fame...or about winning.

No. Life is what happens when you deal with what you have been 'given' and decide whether you are going to accept it or not.

Tommorrow is that day. I have made a decision based on what fate has dealt me - and it is going to change what I do and who I am...forever.

P.S. Who said that quote yesterday? None other than Marge Simpson of "The Simpsons"! (Who said that you can't learn anything from watching TV?)

I'm Changing...And YOU Are Going To Be Dragged Along With Me!

Today has been a surreal experience.

On one front - my Listserver appears to have meesed up my ezine mailing (again!). I should listen to myself more in future and take more concrete steps to make sure that it doesn't happen again!

But...

I also had a two-and-half hour conversation that changed the way I view both my business and my world!

If you know me well enough by now - you'll know that I don't get 'taken in' very easily...but this experience set off a string of 'lightbulbs' in my head!

Although I am a coach - I have never had a proper coaching session myself. It has totally opened up my eyes!

I am so excited about the possibilities that lay ahead that I am having trouble keeping them to myself!

Thanks to this conversation - I have opened up a new 'channel' of thinking that I never really knew existed. Well, OK - I knew that I had a few things about myself that were holding me back - but now I've got the keys to the 'kingdom'!

It's definitely made me more aware of how valuable coaching can be. If someone like me - (who would like to think knows a few tools to unlock their potential) can get so much out of a session - then I am determined that more people benefit from the experience.

Watch this space over the next couple of weeks. I'm changing, my life is changing, my outlook is sharpening - and YOU are going to dragged along with me!

Hold on tight!

Never Think Yourself Out Of Something Before You Have Even Started It

It's amazing what you can adjust to if you have to.

For the past four-and-a-half years Lesley and I have had an average of only one night every two weeks where we have been able to sleep through the night without interruption.

Why?

Well...Connor doesn't have a 'body clock' so he can fall asleep at 3 p.m. - and wake up at 10 p.m. - then stay awake until 6 a.m.! (and this isn't unusual!)

That sort of regular disturbed sleep can sometimes scramble your brain, believe me!

We look forward to the night when the respite nurse comes and looks after him overnight.

But it's amazing what you get used to. I think I feel more tired when I do finally get a full night's sleep than I usually do!

If you had asked me before Connor was born that I would be able to cope with getting up at all hours every night - I would have laughed at you!

It's the same with anything you do.

Just because you're not doing it now, or aren't used to it - doesn't mean that you can't do it!

Whether it's regular exercising or regular self improvement....just because you might not 'fit the bill' now - who's to say that with a little focused effort - you can't make changes for the better in your life?

Take it from me - the human body is an amazingly adaptable machine!

Never think yourself out of something before you have even started it.

Accept defeat before you have even begun the race - and the resulting failure will be guaranteed. Train a little and make a positive effort and...who knows what you can achieve if you really set your mind to it!

Don't Waste Time...It's Too Important

I'm on a journey. A very public journey.

From having never written a word before December last year - I am now writing (hopefully useful) comments and articles every single day!

Despite always feeling that I had a 'book inside me' - I have probably written three or four books worth of information in less than a year.

Just shows you what you can do if you really set your mind to it!

What about you? What would YOU like to achieve in the next year?

There is a very fine line between positive and negative...success and failure...happiness and despair.

Whatever impression I may give - my life is certainly no 'bed of roses'. I have those negative moments, experience setbacks with sometimes alarming regularity - and perhaps haven't achieved as much as I would have wished when I first started out.

But...

I have found out that every experience I have is a learning experience. An opportunity to push myself to cope...push myself to acheive success in my life despite what happens to, or around, me.

I hope that you are enjoying the ride. :-)

In the days of 'get-rich-quick' with an army of (sometimes very well-known) 'sharks' trying to relieve you of your money - it becomes increasingly difficult for someone like me to make as big a 'difference' as I would like.

Too many people expect something for nothing - and have yet to find out that they will get nothing unless they pay 'something' - whether in effort, money, or time in return .

So - don't let the chase for money cloud your development. I have lost at least the equivalent of $50,000 in income in the last year - but money cannot buy the lessons that I have learned - and the satisfaction I have from doing things 'my way'.

I can't put a price on how important it is to be able to take Katie to the cinema after I pick her up from school or...
How important it is just to spend an hour in a coffee shop with Lesley or...
How necessary it is for me just to be 'around' to help when Connor gets ill (again!).

I haven't abandoned the 'chase' to be a Millionaire - far from it - but I know that, whatever happens, I will achieve my goals on my terms.

And so should you. Time is too important to waste otherwise.

Hey - This Soft Stuff Is Important!

We had a nurse come in for a few hours this afternoon to look after Connor.

Despite the fact that both Lesley and I couldn't really be bothered - we had to do something to take advantage of this 'free' time.

The easiest thing would have been to go shopping - but then that's not exactly fair on Katie.

So - we decided that we would let our feisty six year old choose what we would do.

Off to swimming first (not one of my favorite pasttimes - that's for sure! lol). Even though it started off as a 'chore' for me - all was forgotten when I saw how she was enjoying herself. All the money in the world can't buy that look of happiness on the face of your child, could it?

Then - off to Burger King for a cheeseburger - then on to a toy shop to spend her pocket money on a new dress for her 'doll of the moment'.

Even though we would have gladly done absolutely nothing today - it has turned into a wonderful day - just from seeing Katie getting so much out of it.

Whether you're six ot sixty - you will still love being 'spoilt' - and have something or some time devoted especially to you.

That's why family is important.

Do something unselfishly for someone you love - and watch how your world changes!

They get something they want (or get to spend some time with someone they love)
...and you get that 'warm' feeling that you only get when you see someone you love happy and pleased to see you.

You might think that this sort of stuff is 'soft'. Hey - this stuff is important!

Giving love unconditionally is one of those things that get left by the wayside when there are bills to pay - or careers to succeed in. You don't have to be one of those people who lose touch - and grow distant from the very people that can love and support you through the challenges ahead.

Sometimes all it takes is a phone call to them out-of-the-blue - and their whole day can change for the better in an instant.

If it can work magic on a six year old - then it can certainly work for anyone...no matter how old they are.

My First Co-Author Will Be...

A few months ago I bought the domain name - www.successischildsplay.com

I bought it because one day I intend to write a book about success with Katie (who's six-and-a-half).

Why?

Well - since I've become attuned to what 'success' is - I can't help but notice how children manage to get the most out of practically every situation they face.

They may be shaouted at - but they still get an ice-cream.
They may go to bed late - but still get up early.
They may be threatened with no presents from Father Christmas - yet they still get them

For me - it's fascinating to watch...and learn!

That's why I had the idea for this book. After all - who better to talk about success techniques than someone who regularly 'wins'!.

If you've got kids - you'll understand how manipulative they can be! In the battle of wills - there can only be one winner - and guess who it usually is in our household?

You'd be surprised at the success techniques of children - and how they have an almost uncanny ability to make you feel guilty at the same time as getting one over on you!

So - look out the next time a little person really wants something - and make a mental note of what they do and say so that their chances of success are greater.

Me? Well - you'll see for yourself what I've found out when Katie and I write our book!

Falling Off Of The Work/Life See-Saw

We have just left Connor in the hospital overnight for the first time in nearly 8 months.

He has been sick a lot recently - and unfortunately he was getting to the point of dehydration.

Having a child with 'special needs' is difficult - but when he gets ill - then it becomes a stress-filled day!

I don't feel particularly 'positive' at the moment - but just finding something positive to say certainly helps. It would be too easy for me not to bother - especially as I might not be in the right frame of mind. Hey - we all have off-days, don't we?

Well...I don't! OK - I won't!

You see...life is all about impressions and perception. You don't care whether I've had a bad day - you just want me to write something positive! When all said and done - the only person you should care about is you.

And that's the way it should be. Look after 'number 1' first.

In my time as a supervisor and manager - I always had a number of people who let their family life affect their work. I could always sympathise to a degree - but, bottom-line, these people were there to do a job - and that's what they were paid to do.

It may seem cold to say that - but no matter how much I would try to persuade my boss otherwise - these people were always 'marked down' against others for that very reason. Remember - if you want to 'get on' then you have to do the job to the very best of your ability - and not let your home life impact upon your career.

But...

I've also seen too many people let their job affect their family life and weekends. So remember this rule next time you feel your two 'lives' encroaching upon each other:

"Once you set foot in your office - focus entirely on your work. As soon as you leave the office - stop thinking about it!"

I've seen too many people mess up their careers or family lives by forgetting this simple rule. Don't let yourself be one of them.

A Weight Off Of Your Mind?

Although I only scan through our daily newspaper - I still managed to find this....

A teenager on kidney dialysis desperately needed a transplant.
An ideal match was found - his seriously overweight mother.
But...the surgeon wouldn't operate as she was too heavy to undergo a successful operation.

What would YOU have done if you were in that situation?

Well...the mother lost 5 stone (70 pounds) in six months - and just recently both her and her son had the operations. The son is progressing well - and now doesn't need dialysis for the first time in years.

Would YOU have done it?

Here's what the mother said...

"After eating only vegetables and soup and walking everywhere - I was starving - but I knew that it would all be worth it."

I haven't really got much else to say (for a change!) - as this real life story has a message all of its own:

"You can achieve whatever you want in your life - but only if you want it bad enough."

Boy...Did I Get A Sign From The Movie "Signs"!

Have you seen the movie "Signs" yet?

I have...well, sort of. I've seen the first 21 minutes of it! (before the film got stuck in the projector!)

Lesley and I were out on one of our very rare trips to the cinema yesterday - as we were able to get a nurse look after Connor for a few hours. The easy option was for us to get stressed about how 'unlucky' we were - or how these sort of things always happen to us (We missed the last MINUTE of "The Beach" a couple of years ago because the film caught alight!).

But...when you realise that there are much more important things to worry about - then missing a film doesn't seem such a big deal. We just went for a meal instead.

Are you letting the little things wear you down?

Life is full of challenges that are 'sent' to try both our sanity and our patience! You will never be able to 'sail' through life with some form of failure along the way.

Successful people know that the path to success is paved with failure. Many (if not all) of the most successful people have either been bankrupts or had serious financial problems on their road to success. Our mind is a mechanism that learns from experience - we carry on doing what we are doing until feedback tells us otherwise.

Your brain is like a guided missile aimed at your success. But...the only way that it will reach its target is by you making constant adjustments to corrrect its path during its journey!

Where Do Your Priorities Really Lie?

Where do your priorities really lie?

The reason why I am asking is that I haven't been near a PC for almost 24 hours for (vacation apart) - the first time in an entire year!

Why?

Well - because Connor has been very sick - and I have spent all day nursing him. I was desperate to check my emails - but I knew that I had to be there every time he neede me. No matter how much I would have loved to have even sat at my PC for 5 minutes - I wouldn't have done so. I wouldn't have because my son's health is more important than my ambitions.

Do you really know what your priorities are? Do you work late every night and never see your kids until the weekend? Do you avoid phoning your parents because it seems like such hard work?

It's easy to fall into the 'money trap' where you believe that the most important thing in your life is how much you earn - or what your job title is. There are few people in this world who have really sat down and considered what's important to them. Money and prestige - or family and health? Such a choice will affect the rest of your life - so what's your call?

It's Success Or The TV. Your Choice!

It's now 8:30pm on a Saturday night - and I am writing this.

Why?

Well - I could easily 'miss' out the weekend, couldn't I? After all - what does it matter?

It matters to me. It matters because, although my aim was to write these reflections every weekday - it has turned into a challenge for me to write something useful every day. I could easily sit myself in front of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire for 10 minutes or so instead - but I'm not because this means something to me.

It means something because when I set myself challenges I like to achieve them.
It means something because it focuses my mind on important things.
It means something because I want you to have regular useful information to work with.

I didn't have to bother - but I do because I value what I do.

What about you? Are you too 'busy' playing Who Wants to Be a Millionaire instead of trying to work on being a Millionaire? You are the only person who decides if what you are doing right now matters. Nobody else is accountable for where you are right now. If you really want a changed life - then - YOU are going to have to change.

Don't gamble 50/50 for success - make the decision that you are really 100% sure how much you really want your 'final answer'.

Do You Really Want This Relationship?

Is your life like an episode of Jerry Springer?

The daytime screaming matches are catching on here in the UK. It may be fascinating to watch in a perverse way - but whenever I catch one - it just reminds me that so many people are wasting their lives away!

Do you let 'silly' things get to you?
Is negative thinking crowding your brain?
Are petty arguments a regular feature of your life?

It's easy to get 'sucked-in' to this way of living. It's like a downward spiral - and very difficult to pull yourself out of. Most of the people I know waste a large part of their day on 'toxic' thinking. Sulking. Getting stressed. Worrying about pleasing someone else. We've all been guilty of it at different times.

There is a way out - but it's hard. It's only hard because you have to change your way of thinking. But...the process itself it's simple.

You can decide whether the negative relationships of your life are worth 'fighting' for by asking yourself one question:

"Would I have a relationship with this person in my ideal day?"

So. You have an argument with your spouse. Regularly. Now - ask yourself that question. When you dream of your huge house and holidays abroad - would you want them with you?

This may seem a harsh way to look at things - but remember that life is all about being selfish to a degree. If you're 'stuck' in a miserable marriage for 25 years - you've just wasted a huge part of your life on being unhappy. Obviously - things are always as 'cut-and-dried' as this - but it's certainly a very good place to start when you are evaluating what matters to you.

Success isn't only about money. It's pointless being rich if you're miserable. Period.

Clear Your Clutter - Now!

I've just spent the whole day clearing rubbish from the bottom of my garden.

The amount of garden waste that had built up over the last five years of cutting trees etc easily filled up two big vans.

The trouble was - I could have saved myself a day of hard labor if I had actually disposed of the waste as soon as I collected it. It's the same with life. Completely finish something before you move on to the next task. It's true for businesses, it's true for your home life.

The hardest part is usually starting something - so why make yourself 'start' it all over again just to finish it? So - I've decided. Any 'mess' that I make in my garden will be cleared up that day - period.

I don't know about you - but isn't it also nicer to come downstairs in the morning to find a clean kitchen and a tidy living room? On the rare occasions that things are 'left' overnight - it certainly affects my mood in the morning!

It's also good to practice a 'clearance of clutter' regularly. You know - those little things that you leave - like painting the house, or tidying the garage. Get them out of the way! If you don't they will clog up your thoughts - and the constant mental reminders will get in the way of more constructive thoughts.

I can now check one nagging thought off now that my garden is done. What can you get out of the way to make room for better things?

Harry Potter...and You!

Katie has watched Harry Potter on video three times today.

Why?

Because she likes it! She even knows what the characters are going to say - and she still laughs at the same things. I remember my younger brother watched Star Wars 52 times when it first came out on video some years ago!

Isn't it strange how children get more out of something the more they watch it? It's not just films or TV either - they'll happily role play the same things again and again - to the utter annoyance of their parents!

They get value out of what they do. Every time their experience acculmulates and they get a little bit more enjoyment from it.

It such a shame that we, as adults, go for the 'short, sharp, shock' form of enjoyment. We do something - read an excellent book, spend a day at the beach, or watch a movie - and we're too busy worrying about Monday morning, or what time it is to fully relax and enjoy it! You can't ever hope to recapture the freedom of youth - but you should take note of how you should enjoy life - and make the most of what's happening now, today - instead of thinking about what's going to happen next.

My Sick Little Boy And My Goals...

I'm writing this past my self-imposed (OK - Lesley demanded it!) watershed of 7pm as I have just had a fun day 'nursing' Connor who has suddenly become ill in a matter of minutes.

He's OK for the moment, but every now and again we go into 'panic stations' and seem to spend an hour or two on sheer adrenaline as he starts to turn blue or 'brings up' blood from his stomach. I tell you - it's not nice, but I don't expect that he has much fun, either!

I've said it many times before - but I could easily have vegetated in front of the TV tonight - as I had a ready-made 'excuse' because he was unwell. But HEY - I refuse to kid myself. I'm as serious about my own success as I am about my family. Just because Connor has been ill doesn't give me the 'right' to kick-back and laze around. Excuses are easy to find, and easy to use. Reasons why are more difficult to find - but so much more valuable when they really mean something.

Writing this is now part of my chosen life - so it will be done in the same way that Connor will be cared for. My 'work' will only suffer when I have absolutely no reason to leave my family commitments to do it. At the moment I can only think of two cases where this will happen - hospital stays, and vacations. Any other 'excuse' isn't good enough!

Lessons From WWII...

We visited some caves today (yep, it's still the school holidays!). They were used during the Second World War to protect up to 15,000 people EVERY NIGHT from the German bombing. It's amazing to see how resourceful my grandfather's generation were. There was a hospital, a 'hall', separate toilets, and even a 'Citizens Advice Bureau'!

It made me realise how lucky we ALL are. We can live our lives without fear (most of us anyway), we can go where we want, do what we want, even buy what we want thanks to credit. Why then, do we waste so much of it? Here in the UK, our schooling is (practically) free. But if I was asked to find $15 a week to fund my daughter's education - then I would make sure that I found it.

Everything we take for granted was only wishful thinking even only a generation ago. We have more services at our disposal than even our parents would have loved to have growing up - yet, we complain more and more about how unfortunate we are. Don't wait for the 'bombs' to start dropping before you realise that you have the means already to get to wherever you want to go. Don't squander the legacy that you have been given.

My Aim With This Blog

My aim with this blog is to post at least every weekday.

I have found that the best way to keep motivated is to challenge yourself - hence I am challenging myself to write something constructive every weekday!

After another day of epileptic fits and sickness from Connor, it can be difficult to stay motivated - but nevertheless, this is part of what I have chosen my life to be and I know that if I work at it now - the rewards will follow :-)

In The Beginning...

Welcome to the first installment of what will be my regular reflections on life, love, and all things positive.

My aim with this diary (or weblog as the techies call it) is to share with you my thoughts on a regular basis - the sort of things that don't easily fit into the Our Success Partnership ezine or in my ebooks.

I promise that I won't be boring :-)