Success...One Day At A Time

Simply Overcoming Fear And A Low Self Image?

Question:

My biggest problem at present is fear...and it doesn't help that I have a very low self image. How do I overcome this?

Answer:

Let's get one thing straight...we ALL suffer from fear, and I've yet to meet anyone, successful or not, who can't find something about themselves that they don't feel confident about.

The key is to what extent you let these doubts, fears, and general lack of self-confidence get in the way of achieving things in life.

It's easy to slip into the blame routine...where you blame your lack of something for you not being able to do the things that you want to do.

Let me ask YOU...what is it that you fear?

Is it fear of failing...or is it a fear of the unknown?

We've all been 'guilty' of both...but sometimes it's the more obvious things that are the real 'excuses' than our fears.

It's crucially important, in my opinion, that you focus firstly on what you EXCEL (or are even good) at before you start to look at what you are not so good at.

You see...the route to the most rewarding times of your life are guided by the very skills and talents that you perhaps might take for granted.

I've said it many times before...but it is SO much easier to get over challenges about your confidence if, deep down, you KNOW that you can 'do this'!

None of us were born skilled public speakers, craftsmen, architects, singers, or even entrepreneurs!

Sure...many professions require SOME natural talent in the first place...but I doubt that you find a success in ANY job who hasn't had to work hard and rise to what may have seemed unsurmountable challenges along the way.

And...there are many more talented sportsmen and women, actors and actresses, singers, and authors who are living mundane lives because they didn't work at improving, and making the most of, the talents that they were born with.

So...to echo an old saying...

"Don't ask yourself why...ask yourself why not?"

Whether you realize it or not...YOU have the seeds to be 'world class' at something.

It may not be something obvious like world chess champion...it might just be that you are able to be the absolute best at dealing with a particular situation at home or at work.

The cornerstone of thinking about the sort of person that you THINK you need to be to acheive your goals starts with making the most of what you've already got...and then working to add new skills and knowledge to that.

Sure...it won't always be easy...but it will be EASIER than 'starting from scratch' by trying to learn skills that you THINK you should have.

NOTE: If you feel that you need a 'kickstart' in the confidence stakes...or perhaps some positive reminders that you ARE talented and should therefore believe in yourself more - Unstoppable Confidence gets my top recommendation as the best confidence-building resource online.

Stop Focusing On Keeping That Ball Rolling!

Question:

"My main problem is I do all the prelimary steps, such as planning my goals and drawing up work schedules, but I don't seem to keep the momentum going. I fade out and then start again.

How can I become focused and keep the ball rolling?"

Answer:

We're often told that we must make lists and plan for our goals.

The trouble is...most of us, even with the best intentions, don't really know what we want!

Quite often - we may spend a long period of time chasing something that we THINK that we want - yet, when we get there it either isn't what we thought it was...or it STILL isn't enough!

It might be becoming a 'manager'...or taking that dream vacation...or owning that car...or buying that huge TV.

Yet...once we achieve what we have aimed for - it's often not as good as we thought it might be.

On the other side of the coin...there are also many things that we DON'T get around to doing (even though we think that we want to) - because once we begin to make plans and take steps towards our 'goal' - we quite often just lose interest and momentum.

And...believe me...once you fall out of that 'zone' of focusing on what you are really fired up to do - it's very rare that you get back into it.

So...what's the answer then?

Well, (in my book anyway) - the answer is a simple one.

Don't get hung up on a end result that you THINK that you might want or need.

Instead - focus on making the most of learning from what sort of person it makes you if you try to get there.

What I really mean is that, by all means, aim for those things you aspire to - but, if for some reason - you lose that 'spark' for it...then just accept that perhaps it wasn't the right thing for you after all (at this stage of your personal development).

That's not to say that you will NEVER get whatever or be whoever you want in your life...it just means that perhaps now isn't the right time for you to be in that position - you might have a liitle more 'growing' to do in order to make the most of it when you DO achieve your goal.

You may also (like I did), realize along the journey towards where you think that you want to go - that perhaps you found something along the path towards it that suits you so MUCH better!

Believe me...once you DO find your 'purpose'...then there will be no stopping you!

But, in the meantime...keep focusing on moving TOWARDS something that inspires you, and stop focusing on 'what could have been'.

If you move forward...yet don't quite reach the mark THIS time - then isn't that a much greater success than not doing ANYTHING at all?

The See-Saw And Sabotaging Myself...

Question:

"The biggest problem I have right now is I have studied wealth & personal development for several years but I still can't find out why my mind won't let me achieve wealth.

Your help in this would be greatly appreiciated because right now I think I need a miracle."

Answer:

Who's to say that your goals are not SUPPOSED to be 'sabotaged'?

Are the goals that you are aiming for really what you want to achieve? Are they based around what YOU want...or what you believe you SHOULD want - or what other peoples' expectations of you are?

I'm certainly not convinced that your subconscious doesn't want you to have what you want.

In fact...it wants entirely the opposite - to find a solution to what you are asking it!

So...you MAY be writing goals down, saying affirmations, and taking your opportunities as they come along - but if, deep down, what you are aiming for is not 'right' for you - then by default - you're going to find a way NOT to make them happen.

OK. So perhaps your goals ARE ones that you truly believe are based on your passions and your values...what then?

Well...

Forget about blaming your subconscious. Blaming anything or anyone else is NOT the way to go about achieving success.

YOU have to accept FULL responsibility...because YOU are in control. Never forget that.

One thing that you should NOT do is take your success too seriously.

It may be a strange thing for me to say...but, the more you fret and get stressed out about NOT achieving what you want - the more you're filling your mind with negatives built around what you want.

Your mind is like a see-saw...constantly swinging up and down - negative thoughts at one end - positive thoughts in the other.

The more you think about negative (and destructive) things it becomes 'heavier' - and leaves your positive (creative) thoughts hanging in the air hopelessly swinging their achievement legs!

It's easy to focus on things not going right...it's always so much harder to see what you HAVE achieved whilst trying.

You said that you almost reach your goals before they get sabotaged.

In my book - if you're almost there - then isn't that a GOOD thing? Doesn't that mean that you have moved forward from where you didn't want to be towards where you DO want to be?

Sounds like achievement to me!

Don't get hung up on not reaching the 'destination' of your goal. Quite often...in order to reach a BETTER destination in the future - you have to quite often go completely off course from where you THINK that you want to go.

The enjoyment and challenge of the JOURNEY itself is what you should be aiming for anyway - not a goal (which is usually money-oriented for most people) which, once you arrive at it - you will want something more!

When I was sixteen and just started work on $5,000 a year salary - I would have happily believed that I would have been 'made for life' if I was earning $20,000 a year. Why then, at 30, when I was earning more than TEN times what I was at sixteen - I had more debts than ever before and was miserable as hell?

Never forget that life isn't about reaching a goal - it's about experiencing and enjoying as much of it as we can!

I Want To Own. I Want To Be. I Want To Have. How?

Question:

"I want to own my business, to be self employed. To have financial stability. Not to afraid of retirement. To be healthy. How do I achieve all these...???"

Answer:

Whoa!

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time!

First - you need to focus on your MAIN priority - because quite often, many of the things you strive to achieve may well result in a negative effect in something else you think you want to achieve!

For example...you could spend twenty hours a day running your own business...but end up with an ulcer because of over-work and stress!

But...if your need to be self-employed is that much more greater than your need for excellent health - then one is certainly going to suffer at the expense of the other!

I believe in what I call 'wave moderation'.

Think of the normal wave signal - the consistent peaks and troughs of a nice, good quality 'bell curve'.

My life is a little like that.

Some days I goof off.

I'm at the bottom of the WORK wave curve - but at the top of the LIFESTYLE wave curve.

Other days I may be so caught up with a deadline for work that I might be at the TOP of the work curve - and completely at the BOTTOM of the lifesstyle curve!

The problems only begin when you spend TOO much time at the top of EITHER curve.

In an ideal world we'd like to think that we would spend our days doing nothing much - but even billionaires need something to do to tax their brains a little.

Also...if you are working all hours at the expense of your health or your relationship with your family - then no amount of money will help you.

Let's also look at financial stability.

Can I be a little blunt here?

The easiest way for SOME degree of financial stability is to do the job that you currently do to the VERY best of your ability!

If you are viewed as someone who 'goes the extra mile' as Napoleon Hill said - then you will stand the best chance of surviving - even in the severest waves of redundancies.

If you want to run your own business...then, in my opinion, in the short- to medium-term - that certainly ISN'T a recipe for financial stability!

Ask any entrepreneur what it was like for the first few years after they started out on their own.

The best way is work on YOUR business during the times which you might otherwise waste on watching TV, reading newspapers or novels...or idly surfing the Internet.

And...if you can't dedicate yourself to even FIVE hours a week developing your business idea further - then what chance would you have to stay motivated for a FULL working week?

Unless your business becomes part of who you are and what you do - and you NEVER have that 'Monday morning feeling'...then you might as well stay in a salaried job.

By proving to yourself that you CAN devote some 'play' time to working on your ideas - then it's pointless to just quit your job and go it alone.

Remember...motivation is always easy to come by when you are starting out. Believe me...it's much harder to keep going after months or years of constantly focusing on earning enough money to pay the mortgage.

Now...I'm not trying to be negative here...just realistic.

It's great to have dreams...but it's just as easy for those dreams to turn into nightmares if you aren't doing what you really LOVE to do.

So...make sure that you take it one step at a time...and you might very well find out that, with some adjustments, your life might be THAT 'bad' after all.

Dreams And Wishful Thinking

Question:

I am having trouble distinguishing the difference between dreams/wishful thinking and actual realistic goals and wants. I read that you can't want too much, that any desire is attainable.
How does a person to "keep the faith" when there are only small changes in a life that needs/wants big ones?

Answer:

I agree that it can be quite difficult to work out whether what you really want is, well, what you REALLY want!

Quite often...those very same goals that we write off as wishful thinking might well be achievable if we really thought about how to make them happen.

I am a firm believer that, in order to grow, we need to expand ourselves from where we currently are.

For example...it's pointless trying to go for a promotion if you THINK and ACT like any person would do in your current position. Unless you have 'outgrown' where you are - you will hardly be equipped to deal with the additional MENTAL responsibilities of a higher position.

That's why it is so crucial NOT to ignore those 'small changes'.

And...it's certainly as crucial to know that what you are, in fact, aiming for...is something that FITS the sort of person you want to become.

Keeping the faith is that much easier when you KNOW that this little thing that you are doing TODAY is in fact a building block to where you REALLY want to go.

Less than three years ago, I would never have dreamed that I would be a published author, a speaker, or that people would pay me for what I know.

Added to that...I would never have expected to learn HTML, or how to create an audio CD of my work, design a basic graphic...or be able to coach people with a great deal of success.

Yet...I didn't PLAN to learn all of these things.

I just decided that I wanted to GROW as a person...and EDUCATE myself about THREE things...

1. How I think and act...and what makes me 'tick'
2. How to market myself effectively
3. How to gather knowledge and convert it into action

These three things are fundamental to the success of ANY entrepreneur...but also work if you are in a career, a part-time job, or have an hour to spare at home whilst the kids are at school.

Once you decide to grow TOWARDS your ideal future...then you will certainly know whether what you are doing NOW contributes to it.

For example...practically EVERY CEO once worked as a clerk.

Every public speaker at one time had NEVER spoken in public before.

Every published author started with an idea and a blank page.

Every mother and father started off knowing absolutely NOTHING about how to be a good parent.

Every astronaut was once seven years old and had a dream of flying to the moon.

Wishful thinking?

Maybe?

But...SOMEONE has to be the CEO, the public speaker, the author, the parent, or the astronaut.

So - why can't it be YOU?

And...even if it isn't...don't you think that you would make more of your life trying?

I Just Quit My Job...

Question:

"I just quit my high salaried job, because it didn't give me any satisfaction. The thing is I havent yet found a job to replace the money I need to pay of my mortgages & bills. I am looking around and talking to people, trying my darnest to keep positive, but its tough.

Did I make a mistake? should I have stuck to a dead end job that was paying the bills? My gut says no! that's why I did what I did. All the personal development books say that I should remain focused and positive and something will happen. Guess I am just a little worried and impatient.Any insights?"

Answer:

This is a difficult one, that's for sure!

I did exactly the same myself and have never looked back - even though there are many occasions where I could have just 'given up' and gone back to a 'proper' job.

BUT...

I wouldn't always recommend it to EVERYONE!

Why?

Well...you need a compelling REASON to NOT want to carry on what you're doing.

MY reason was that I wanted to spend time helping to look after Connor, my special needs son. I knew that, whatever happened - THAT was what I had to do.

There were many times in the past when I felt like quiting my job - but I knew that I didn't have a burning DESIRE to do something else. Connor came along and gave me that opportunity.

Now...I am not for a moment suggesting that what you shouldn't have quit your job.

You alone know whether the circumstances were compelling enough to do so. (And...perhaps you meant to use a stronger phrase than "it didn't give me any satisfaction"!)

There is one school of thought that says that you should have Plan 'B' in place before you quit. For example - if you wanted to be an information marketer, network marketer etc - then begin it in your spare time, and see if it FITS you and your personality first before you take the big step of quitting your job.

Sometimes - you may find that your job allows you to have great holidays, and a great away-from-work lifestyle at the weekends - so perhaps it might not be that bad after all.

But...as you've already quit your job - you're now going to find out whether you have a sufficient DESIRE to do something else.

One thing you MUST bear in mind, though.

All of the positive thinking in the world won't make things happen. YOU DO.

You can ATTRACT opportunities into your life by constantly focusing on what you DO want...and there are many ways to make this happen - through affirmations, meditation, self-hypnosis etc.

But...I can guarantee that, if ALL you did was spend all day in bed THINKING about what you want - then things aren't going to happen. (And - I'm not for a moment suggesting that you are!)

So the key here is to LOOK for what is coming to you.

1. Keep Track Of The Ideas That Jump Into Your Head
(Make sure you always carry a pen and paper with you to write them down...and have one beside your bed.)

2. Look For Coincidences Happening In Your Life
(There are reasons why people 'turn up'...or events go a different way than you expect. Even if the 'message' isn't obvious - think AROUND why these things are happening.)

3. Don't Rule Out ANY Opportunity
(If an opportunity to take a part-time job to cover your bills comes up - perhaps THAT's what you NEED to do AT THIS MOMENT in order to take you to the 'next step')

4. Look For The Lessons In 'Failures'
(If you get knocked back for a different job - what could you PERSONALLY have done differently for next time?)

5. Try Not To Focus On The Money
(In your situation - if you are constantly focusing on needing to do something BECAUSE you have to pay your bills...guess what is filling up your mind - worry about LACK of money. Your subconcious then goes out and tries to fulfil your 'request'...and guess what happens?)

6. Don't Waste ANY Time
(Your situation is a SERIOUS one. So - until you begin to make things happen...consistently take ACTION. So - no TV time. Any spare time driving to interviews should be spent on listening to personal dsevelopment tapes in your car. Taking constant action leads to MOMENTUM. So - the more people you tell that you are looking for a job like 'x' - the more chance you have of someone knowing someone who knows someone who has heard about a vacancy!)

7. Let Your Subconscious Find A Solution
(Just before I drift off to sleep at night - I often ask my subconcious to help me find a solution to a VERY SPECIFIC challenge I may have. Whether you believe in a higher power or not - it is certainly worth ASKING for help. The answer doesn't always come as soon as I wake up - but all of a sudden I may think of a solution during the next day to that very same challenge that I was struggling with for hours the day before!)

8. Get Accountable
(Acountability is a wonderful thing! Tell your family that you are doing 'x' today - or making a certain amount of phone calls etc. That way - you will have less of an excuse NOT to do something...especially at the times when doubt may set in.)

Overall - if you combine your THOUGHTS with ACTION - you WILL find a way.

But - you must be OPEN to EVERY single opportunity that comes your way.

The more your project yourself mentally and physically into doing what you need to do - the more chances of success you will have.

Good luck!

Taking Action. Should You Want To?

Question :

"My biggest problem, is getting out of thinking mode and into action mode.
As much as I read and make lists.....nothing ever seems to get done 'today', and by the 3rd tomorrow, I am disheartened. What , I ask you, is that!!!"

Answer:

The key here is NOT to make a big 'to-do' list!

Seriously.

I personally find 'to-do' lists quite de-motivating.

Of course...for some people they work fantastically well - but, for others, they can be worse than having a list at all!

So, what do you do about it?

Well...is what you are writing down on your list something that you WANT to do...or is it something that you SHOULD do?

There's a difference.

If your lists are cluttered up with SHOULD-dos, then you will certainly struggle to get things done.

Here's some examples of SHOULD-dos...

- Accounting/taxes
- Cutting the grass (my favorite)
- Painting the house
- Clearing out your garage
- Writing your book

Of course - some of these would be on the WANT-tos of many people - yet for some people - they seem to stare up at them from the page - day after day...constantly niggling away.

Remember - this is the stuff that you SHOULD do (and may even have a deadline for), so you are hardly going to be inpired and motiavted when you think about doing them.

So...don't have them on your list!

Why? Well...in some cases, like taxes, you KNOW that, eventually - you will HAVE to do them (and WILL do them).

Others can perhaps just go on a SHOULD do list that is separate from the more exciting WANT to stuff.

So - your SHOULD do could be to write a book...but you can easily WANT to try to write an article every week for a year...or 500 words a day...or a chapter a month.

Other stuff you may WANT to do...

- Applying just ONE principle you learned from a personal devlopment book.
- Make ONE phone call to someone who could put business your way
- Spend time with your family
- Spend 15 minutes taking notes from the last book you read
- Taking only the FIRST step on your new project

Even though some of these may not be the most EXCITING things in the world that you would WANT to do - it will be so much easier just to do ONE thing - because you KNOW that it will help you get to where you really want to go.

Plus...if you make your tasks small things that don't take up too much time - you will stand more chance of completing each one EVERY day, and not carry any over until tomorrow.

Once you get your momentum going - you can make the tasks longer or more stretching...but, at the start at least - just START something...and everything else will become easier once you do.

And...what about those SHOULD-do tasks?

Well...whether it takes you six days or six years - EVENTUALLY you will get them done when it comes down to the timwe when you HAVE to...whether you like it or not!

But...at least in the meantime - they're not getting in the way of what you really WANT to do!